Today, Lisa dives into a topic that many of you have been requesting: the blind spots that could be keeping you single. In this episode, we'll explore the five common obstacles that may be preventing you from finding love and forming a deep connection with a partner. From fear of vulnerability to unrealistically high expectations, we'll uncover the patterns and behaviors that can unknowingly push potential suitors away. So, grab your headphones and get ready to discover the blind spots that may be holding you back from finding true love. Continue On Your Journey: Lisa Shield | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Book a Call With Lisa Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com
What You'll Hear In This Episode:
- Fear of vulnerability and its impact on connection
- The need to let your guard down and show your true self to attract emotionally available partners
- Unrealistic expectations in searching for a partner
- The tendency to look for stereotypes rather than real, authentic individuals
- The drawbacks of finding a partner who fits stereotypes and lacks authenticity
- The glorification of busyness and its impact on making time for a relationship
- Overanalyzing and creating unnecessary problems
- Magnifying small issues and creating unnecessary hurdles in the relationship
- Avoiding conflict and the consequences
- The fear of conflict and the reluctance to address important questions or conversations
- The impact of suppressing feelings and avoiding crucial discussions on building closeness
Key quotes:
"A lot of women aren’t looking for a real man. They’re looking for a stereotype or an archetype that doesn't really exist." — Lisa Shield
"Being busy is not necessarily a good thing. If your calendar is so packed that you don't have time for a relationship, then you're not going to be able to make room for a man in your life." — Lisa Shield
"I see this so often with our clients. We literally beg them to have conversations with the men that they're seeing she they can get clear on where the relationship is going. Unfortunately, because the guy is continuing to make dates with them, they wind up going along with the guys and wasting precious time because they don't want to rock the boat." — Lisa Shield
"Playfulness is a form of vulnerability. To be playful, you cannot be self-conscious and second-guessing yourself. You need to be in the moment and at ease." — Lisa Shield
Continue On Your Journey:
Lisa Shield | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Book a Call With Lisa
Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com
Lisa Shield [00:00:03]:
Hello, everybody, and welcome to Lunch with Lisa. Actually, that's the old name. That's so funny. I'm used to saying that. And this is finding the guardian of your soul. I think that piece is going to get cut out of the final edit of this. It is so great to be here. We just held our annual live retreat, which was absolutely extraordinary.
Lisa Shield [00:00:34]:
We had 48 women from around the world come in to Santa Fe, New Mexico. We held it at the beautiful historic LaFonda Hotel, and it was magical. We have three courses that we offer. So our first program is called emotionally naked dating. That is a twelve week course that teaches you everything you need to know about finding true love in today's world. And then we have two follow up courses. The first is a six month course called The Sisterhood of Self Actualized Women. And that again is a six month course.
Lisa Shield [00:01:18]:
And then we have our year long Mastermind program. And there's no sequence to those programs. You can do either SSW or the Mastermind. And our retreat is for our upper level clients who do either SSW or our Mastermind. So it was absolutely amazing. We more than doubled our attendance from the last retreat. So it was really quite extraordinary. I don't think a single woman walked away from this thinking that it was not one of the best experiences of her life.
Lisa Shield [00:01:59]:
There's nothing like having a sisterhood of extraordinary, loving, compassionate accepting women. One of the women in our course just recently went through a breakup. We'll see if they stay broken up, but right now they're broken up and she was at the retreat. She got to meet all of her sisters in the Mastermind that she's been seeing every single week over Zoom for over a year. And one of those women traveled to see her and spend a night with her during the breakup just because this is the kind of connection, these are the kinds of bonds that people make in our courses. So one of her Mastermind sisters actually traveled to see her and spend time with her, knowing what she was going through. So these women really love each other, and it is not the same meeting over Zoom as it is being able to spend time in person. So today I'm going to talk about five blind spots that could be keeping you single.
Lisa Shield [00:03:24]:
Five blind spots. So the first one I'm going to talk about is fear of vulnerability, fear of being vulnerable. A lot of you, women in particular, complain that men are not emotionally available. But the truth is, water seeks its own level. Like attracts like, and emotionally available people will gravitate towards emotionally available people. You may not want to hear that, but it's true. A fear of vulnerability, of opening up, letting your guard down, and letting someone see the real you can be a barrier to connection. And it can be a way that we keep men at bay.
Lisa Shield [00:04:11]:
So putting on an act, pretending that everything is fine, not sharing real things that are going on with you, flaws and all that will keep men at bay. One of my current coaches, she is absolutely she's not one of my current coaches, she's my head coach. Rebecca talks often and openly about how when she was going through my program, she really had her guard up. And I kept pushing her. The name of my program is Emotionally Naked Dating. And I kept pushing her to get emotionally naked and talk about the real things that were going on in her life. And she said if I ever let a man see what was really happening, he would run for the hills. And when she finally did let that wall down and she let her now fiance see the real Rebecca, everything just all those walls came crashing down.
Lisa Shield [00:05:20]:
And not only was he grateful that she did that, but it made him fall more in love with her. Because men want to see our vulnerabilities. They want to take care of us, cherish and adore us and be our heroes. And they can't do that when those walls are up. The second way that many of you are keeping men at bay is having highly unrealistic expectations of what you're looking for in a partner. You're not looking for a man, you're looking for a stereotype. A guy that's going to whine you and dine you and sweep you off your feet. You've seen way too many romance, read too many romance novels and seen too many Disney movies, and you have these stereotypical fantasy ideas of how men are going to be with you.
Lisa Shield [00:06:20]:
And you're not looking for a real man. You're looking for a stereotype or an archetype that doesn't really exist. And even if you do get a guy who fits a lot of those criteria that you think you're looking for, they don't turn out to be the right guy because usually they are also operating with stereotypical ideas and behaviors in romance where they're not being authentic and real themselves, they're just being archetypes. And so they're not being authentic, they're not opening up. They're romancing you, they're pursuing you, they're chasing you. But they themselves are not being real and authentic. Another way that so many women today keep men at arm's length is by constantly being busy. So today women are often applauded for being busy.
Lisa Shield [00:07:26]:
Whenever I tell, somebody will say, how's it going? And I'll say, oh, my God, I've been so busy. They'll say good for you. And I always stop and say, well, I don't know, it depends on the kind of busyness, right? Just being busy is not necessarily a good thing. If your calendar is so packed that you don't have time for a relationship, then you're not going to be able to make room for a man in your life. And a lot of you think, oh, well, I've got this rich and full life, and I'm just going to find a guy who wants to go and do and whatever. Well, lots of guys aren't like that. Men are under tremendous pressure all day at work, and when they get together with a woman, they don't necessarily want to have a full social calendar. I mean, some guys do, but a lot of guys don't.
Lisa Shield [00:08:29]:
They want women that they can just relax and decompress with. It's why men sit and stare at a television and watch a football game and zone out on a weekend and have a couple of beers. They like to relax, they like to take it easy, and they don't want to be constantly on the go, especially when they're with their woman. My husband always tells me how much he loves it that we can just be together and not have to be going and doing things constantly. So that's another one. This is my favorite. One of the ways that women keep men at a distance is by overanalyzing everything. We can be up in our heads, obsessing over every word or action or perceived slight, and we can create problems and stories where there aren't any.
Lisa Shield [00:09:27]:
We magnify small issues and make them into relationship hurdles. We constantly question whether or not a guy is right for us, and these behaviors often stem from our own insecurities and our past relationships. But they can also really affect a current relationship and keep a man from getting close to us. One other one that is a really big one is avoiding conflict. I see this so often with my clients, where we will beg them to ask certain questions, have certain conversations with men that they're seeing and because they're afraid to rock the boat and the guy is making dates with them and seeing them and all, they put up with a lot. And they go along with these guys because they don't want to create conflict. But if you keep suppressing your feelings and you're not asking certain questions and not only just asking certain questions, but practicing how to approach those subjects and ask those questions, you will keep sweeping those things under the rug, and it's going to be really tough for a man to get close to you. Actually, I ran through them very quickly, but those are five ways that you could be blocking love and pushing it away without even knowing it.
Lisa Shield [00:11:16]:
I have to go and do an Instagram live for a master class I'm participating in with Paulina Solda. You can find out more about that by going to Instagram and looking for Lisa Shield coaching. You can join me over there if you'd like to see my Instagram live. We look forward to seeing you again on Finding the Guardian of Your Soul. We have a very special guest this Sunday. My husband and I will be doing getting inside the right male mind. So we have a divorce lawyer who will be talking, not a divorce lawyer, but a lawyer who works on prenups. He has a very unique perspective on having prenups.
Lisa Shield [00:12:14]:
So this may be something you're interested in learning more about. We will be doing that a little bit earlier than usual. It will be airing at 09:30 a.m. Mountain time, so that would be 08:30 a.m. Pacific time and 1130 Eastern. So join my husband and me for that and I look forward to seeing you again for finding the guardian of your soul. If you would like to hear more about what I do, please go to lisashield.com and click the button all over my website to watch my free 45 minutes presentation. And stay to the end, because that's where you can book a breakthrough call with a member of my team to see if our course emotionally naked dating is right for you.
Lisa Shield [00:13:09]:
If it is, we can show you in twelve short weeks how to get this solved so you can get on with finding the guardian of your soul and having the love life of your dreams. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'm Lisa Shield and I look forward to seeing you next week. Bye. Oh, there's a good question here. I'm going to go ahead and answer that. What if your personality is serious? Then how do you become vulnerable? John, you can become vulnerable and be serious. You don't have to be laughing and playful.
Lisa Shield [00:13:53]:
I mean, playfulness is a form of vulnerability because to be playful, you need to be in the moment and be at ease and comfortable. And you don't know when you're playing, you're not really second guessing yourself. So you may be just spontaneous and in the moment and you may say the wrong thing or push somebody's buttons know, being playful, but you can be a serious person and open up. We have a client right now who is so lovely and she went on a first date with a man and she came back and said, lisa, he's so serious and how do I get him to open up? And we actually gave her a step by step process for getting this guy to open up. And they have now been dating for two and a half months. And she said he is the sweetest, kindest man that she's ever met. And it just took a little bit of patience and a little bit of skill on her part to get him to open up to her her. So being a serious guy, that's okay.
Lisa Shield [00:15:03]:
You can get a woman to open up to you. And to be honest, women really love that. So I'm Lisa shield. Please come back and see us again. Bye bye. Have a great day.