Welcome back to another episode of Finding the Guardian of Your Soul®! Today, we are diving into the world of relationships, exploring the mysterious dynamics between men and women. Join me and Benjamin, as we unravel the gender-related complexities of dating. In this episode, Benjamin shares anecdotes from his 21-year relationship, reflecting on the advice he once received from a trusted attorney friend. As he delves into the fears of commitment that both men and women experience, he sheds light on the underlying factors that contribute to these hesitations. We explore the delicate balance of personal growth within a relationship and the challenges of expectations, societal pressure, and historical baggage. With a mix of personal experiences and thought-provoking insights, we dig deep into the intricacies of commitment, unraveling the reasons behind fears and hesitations. So, grab your favorite beverage, settle in, and get ready for an eye-opening, heartfelt conversation. It's time to unlock the secrets of love, trust, and commitment on this episode of Finding the Guardian of Your Soul®. Continue On Your Journey: Lisa Shield | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Book a Call With Lisa Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com
What You'll Hear In This Episode:
- Fears of engulfment and abandonment
- Concerns about compromising and sacrificing in a relationship
- Influences from personal preferences, societal pressure, and family/friends' expectations
- Exploring men's fears in relationships
- Women's desire for traditional dynamics despite independence
- Importance of being whole and complete before entering a relationship
- Avoiding agendas and milestones in relationships
- Potential mismatches and challenges in relationships
- Fully committing to a soulful relationship
- Honoring and seeing the goodness in each other
- Supporting each other's soul's journey
Key quotes:
Continue On Your Journey:
Lisa Shield | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Book a Call With Lisa
Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com
Benjamin Shield [00:00:01]:
Okay.
Lisa Shield [00:00:02]:
Oh.
Benjamin Shield [00:00:07]:
Not important, but.
Lisa Shield [00:00:11]:
15 minutes back. Okay, let's do it. Um oh, we're live. Ah. How did that happen? Okay, well, there you go. All right, well, welcome, everybody, to getting inside the right male mind. I'm Lisa shield.
Benjamin Shield [00:00:40]:
And I'm Benjamin Shield.
Lisa Shield [00:00:42]:
And we are excited to be here today. We have a really wonderful topic. I think it's going know, really be thought provoking for everybody, and it is called whoops. I'm going to put my little banner here. I don't know how we went live without me being ready just a minute ago, but we did. All right, the name of this particular broadcast is dudes Drama and Diamonds. Why? He's ghosting and she's posting engagement rings. So I love this title.
Lisa Shield [00:01:28]:
Benjamin was a little skeptical when he first heard it, but once we started talking about it, he got into it. So, honey, let's talk about what is this about this dude's Drama and diamonds?
Benjamin Shield [00:01:46]:
Well, in a relationship, it's almost unreasonable. The two people will have the same pace, and some people are goal oriented. Some people want companionship. They want different things in a relationship at different times and different speeds. So what we find often in the women entering our program is that some women really find themselves quickly at the finish line, and they're waiting for their partner to catch up. So she's already posting engagement rings on Instagram, and he's just kind of enjoying hanging out and getting to know and taking his time and doesn't really feel the same compulsion for certain milestones in the relationship at certain times.
Lisa Shield [00:02:49]:
There's a kind of urgency on her part, a feeling of desperation, and the more she tries to control it, I think sometimes the worse it gets, right?
Benjamin Shield [00:03:03]:
Yeah. I think we need to remember that love grows with time, and it grows at different pace for different people. Just because two people are moving at different speeds, it doesn't mean that they're not going to be in sync as long as they're moving in the same direction. But often because of family pressures, societal pressures, religious pressures, that there's this need to move faster by one person than is comfortable for the other.
Lisa Shield [00:03:43]:
So I think one of the big issues, babe, is that today women have worked so hard to have power and agency over their lives. This is something that has taken us not just decades, but generations for women to come out of the house, out of the kitchen, be able to work, own companies, have careers. And the truth is, we have different needs for a man in our life today than we used to have. And so we're so used to driving our own lives that when we get into a relationship with a man today, it's no longer, oh, I need to get this man to marry me, because I want him to put food on the table and put a roof over my head, and I need security. I can't even get a credit card without his signature today. We're so used to being able to set a goal and achieve it. And there's a conflict, I think, for a lot of our clients. They still want these very traditional dynamics in their romantic relationships.
Lisa Shield [00:05:03]:
But it's juxtaposed. It's pushed up against this need or just this habit, almost, of controlling their own lives. So they don't know how to let a man be the leader and set the pace and all because they're so used to doing that. And that was a very long way of saying that.
Benjamin Shield [00:05:27]:
Right. It's such a delicate dance because when a woman wants a man to move forward at a pace that he may not be comfortable with, it's like if we've ever seen a video of someone trying to pull a mule, the more they pull, the more the mule pulls back.
Lisa Shield [00:05:51]:
Right.
Benjamin Shield [00:05:51]:
And it's just exhausting and unsatisfying for both partners.
Lisa Shield [00:05:57]:
Yeah. So what happens is there's often this push pull dynamic that starts to happen in the couple. The more, like you said, the woman pushes, the more he pulls back.
Benjamin Shield [00:06:16]:
Yeah. And then it just becomes more frustrating and arguments arise that may not have anything to do with the topic that they're arguing on. The basic argument is you're not moving fast. You don't want what I want when I want it. So an argument could be, I like yellow, you like orange, you're sob. It's really the basic argument is you're not moving faster. So a lot of dissonance, a lot of arguments in relationships really are about something much more foundational.
Lisa Shield [00:07:00]:
And I think it's important just to take a second and make a little bit of a disclaimer that men do this too. There are women who are not ready and there are men who are moving way too quickly for them. And it has the exact same effect. It will push a woman away and make her put up more walls just to protect herself. It goes both ways, is what I want to say.
Benjamin Shield [00:07:33]:
Yeah. But I think the slight difference with men wanting more is that often men may want or feel they may want more in the very beginning. They may love bomb, they may come on very strong, and they may push the relationship faster than a foundation of friendship. Shared experience, trust and safety can develop. And so the relationship gets turned on its head. Often two people become lovers before they become friends. And I think we've all experienced those relationships. And where are they now?
Lisa Shield [00:08:12]:
Have you ever felt anxious? Because I think a lot of this is driven by insecurity and anxiety. A lot of this behavior is from things we learn about relationships and how they're supposed to unfold and that we're almost play acting. We're in these roles, but we're not really interacting with the person in front of us. So it's all driven by insecurity, by cultural sort of myths, and also anxiety. Right. Have you ever felt that in a relationship with a woman?
Benjamin Shield [00:08:55]:
Well, the relationship that I was in just before you and I met and we were in the relationship for two years, which was one year too long, she desperately wanted a baby, and I wasn't sure first if I wanted a child. I thought about it every single day of my adult life. Every day I waited. And some days were sometimes that there were times that I was leaning towards having a child, but I wasn't with the right person. And sometimes when I was with the right person, I felt the other way about having a child. So I was with a woman who I really liked, and on the first anniversary of dating, and we both laid down and had a conversation, and I said, I really thought about it every single day, and I really don't want children. And I was 49 years old then. I figured if I didn't really want a child by then, I mean really want, then I'd be living someone else's dream.
Benjamin Shield [00:10:09]:
And so we stayed on the relationship almost another year. But it was brutal because she really saw the relationship. What she wanted in the relationship was a child and that she was trying to make me catch up with her desire. And the more that she was trying to do that, the more I was pulling away and the more we had arguments that really had nothing to do with what we were arguing about and what the tears were about. The tears were, I want a baby, you don't, and I hate your guts.
Lisa Shield [00:10:52]:
It didn't.
Benjamin Shield [00:10:56]:
It didn't get to that point, but but there was animosity on her part, and I think solely because the differences of what we wanted wow.
Lisa Shield [00:11:07]:
In a whole other life, I would love to have had your or have your child. Now that we've done this, it would be a lot of fun. But I'm so glad we got to do this. So I'd love to talk about yeah. So I'd love to talk about a little bit more, honey, about what drives this. Because if we're speaking in psychological terms, there's like, the fear of abandonment butting up against the fear of engulfment. Right. I think that really summarizes it.
Lisa Shield [00:11:54]:
You've got this one person who is terrified of being abandoned, and then you've got this other person who's just petrified that he's going to be engulfed, and those two people come together, and it's misery.
Benjamin Shield [00:12:10]:
Yeah. And just to add to that, it's not one or the other. Someone could really fear engulfment and also fear abandonment because of past relationships, history, all of that. I think that one of a man's fears is that getting into a relationship, a committed relationship, like engagement, marriage, that his life is going to be smaller. Because of that, he's going to have to make compromises. He's going to have to give up things that he deeply cares about. And for a woman, she's invested time and emotional energy into this relationship, and it's been growing, but it just hasn't reached the level that finish line that she's been looking for, whether it's a personal preference or whether her friends are getting married or her family at Thanksgiving keeps saying, when are you going to get married? I want grandkids. All of this pressure and pressure for movies, rom coms, all of that.
Benjamin Shield [00:13:26]:
So there's something satisfying about that commitment. And where for a man, some men, the idea of commitment isn't satisfying. It's like capitulating.
Lisa Shield [00:13:45]:
Well, it's funny. I think I'm just going to speak as a woman. I think sometimes we don't realize from a male perspective, I mean, we give up a lot too, to be in a partnership. And sometimes what we're sacrificing is our biological clock. If we want kids, that is a massive cost. And we have had, tragically, so many women in our course who didn't have children, who very much wanted them because they stayed with men, who couldn't give them or wouldn't give them kids, and they lost the opportunity. Right. But men also give up very important things to be with us.
Lisa Shield [00:14:36]:
And so we're pushing because we need to nail someone down before it's too late to have kids. And men are pushing away. And what is it that they're holding on to?
Benjamin Shield [00:14:53]:
What are men holding on?
Lisa Shield [00:14:55]:
Yeah, why are they pushing? What are they afraid of losing?
Benjamin Shield [00:14:59]:
They're afraid of. If a man is a bachelor and he enjoys his Sundays just spacing out, watching football games or hanging out with guys or playing soccer or whatever it may be, he's afraid that not only if he's in a committed relationship. There's now not only a definition and rules, regulations, but he's not just marrying the woman, he's marrying the family. And all the obligations that come with that. And if there's a child that he may be ambivalent about, but she really wants, that's a huge commitment. And thinking about that, he loves sleeping in or he loves quiet mornings, or he loves intimate time with his partner that can be sacrificed.
Lisa Shield [00:16:05]:
And then if we were to look at even deeper reasons, like there's all the historical reasons, all the baggage, the fear that I did try, I did love this person to the best of my ability, and it didn't work. And I'm afraid of failing again, making the wrong choice. Men go through those same fears. They're terrified. And today it goes again both ways. Some women wind up paying alimony or support to men, but it's still more common, I think. I don't know the statistics, but I would imagine that men still wind up more frequently paying alimony to women. I'd love to actually look at those statistics, but it's scary.
Lisa Shield [00:16:56]:
I mean, I hear some men I know of a man who today he's a little younger than you, and he owes his ex wife alimony for the rest of her life, and it's a tremendous amount of money.
Benjamin Shield [00:17:17]:
Yeah, I know. And that's a fear I remember you and I have been together 21 years. I remember in my practice in Los Angeles, I just treated an attorney who's a friend of ours. We would see them, he and his wife, socially at parties, and we had converted our garage into a treatment room, a beautiful treatment room. And then he and I, after the session, were walking towards the gate to where he was parked on the other side. And I said, yeah, we're about to celebrate our 10th anniversary. And in California, that's the perfect line of where ten years in a day, then you pay alimony for life. And he was saying, well, it's not too late, maybe should think about this.
Benjamin Shield [00:18:17]:
And I had no hesitation. But I think that probably in his marriage or in looking at friends and associates, that there had been some regret. But the regret probably was that they didn't put the time and effort to really establish a relationship prior to marriage, that they really knew that this is a person that they could not live without, and that they really knew and intimacy was established rather than just, this is a great idea that we get married.
Lisa Shield [00:19:01]:
I'm going to digress off of this for a second, but something I think is really important for people to hear. This doesn't happen randomly. I asked you the other day, do you think people have what we have, that they just meet the right person? I don't know how many Mozarts are born in a lifetime? And I'm not you know, I really the thing I'm proudest of in this life is our relationship and what we've accomplished. And having been with my ex, who my ex husband, who we argued and.
Benjamin Shield [00:19:42]:
Fought, formerly known as Twitter. Tell us about Twitter.
Lisa Shield [00:19:50]:
You're on a roll today. Yes. No. My ex husband, who we just used to sit and talk ad nauseam to try to sort through things and figure things out. And what a colossal waste of time. It's like this immense hamster wheel that we were literally going on for 13 years. And I'm so proud of what I learned walking away from that relationship. What I did was I just said, lisa, he has to figure himself out.
Lisa Shield [00:20:38]:
I don't know why he did the things he did. I'm not him. I could sit and try and sort through that forever, but I had to look at me. I had to look at who I was being in relationship and why I picked him. I stayed with him for yours was only two years, one year too long. Mine was twelve and a half years too long. So we really worked hard to be here. But these patterns, I suffered from this.
Lisa Shield [00:21:13]:
I was so scared because I knew nothing about men in relationships, and I wanted a guy like you. I would have given anything in this world to be with a man like you. Because you're everything I ever wanted. Everything. And my standards, I mean, you know me, right? Like, I have these very high standards and not egoically high, but I hold myself to these principles, right? And I live them, and I know I'm really good at it. I only say that because I won your heart, and I worked hard to get that. But I ran. I chased men, I pushed them away, and that's the scariest thing.
Lisa Shield [00:22:10]:
Did you ever push away someone you loved out of anxiety or carelessness?
Benjamin Shield [00:22:19]:
I think out of carelessness. I think that I didn't take into account the other person's emotional involvement in the relationship. And so it was easier for me just to not ghost, but slowly dissolve the relationship and without seeing the intensity and what the other person really saw and saw a future, I think that when I was less mature, I took it more casually, and things fell apart that way.
Lisa Shield [00:23:03]:
So she was way more vested than you were or some of these women, and that's what women even after first.
Benjamin Shield [00:23:11]:
Date, but back then, and I lived through the sexual revolution, that lucky you. Well, it went on into this seventy s and eighty s. But even if there was a sexual encounter, the first date or second date, often the woman would be thinking, this is it. I found the guy, and I was thinking, what a nice experience, right? What a nice woman. What a nice person, nice experience. And didn't put much weight into that.
Lisa Shield [00:24:03]:
You weren't thinking about a future. You were just like, oh, it's nice to spend time with this person.
Benjamin Shield [00:24:09]:
Had I been able to rewind with the knowledge I have now, I would realize the importance, the weight that jumping into a relationship with intimacy or future planning, all of those things early on, because it feels good that the amount of harm can far outweigh eventually far outweigh the feeling of feeling good.
Lisa Shield [00:24:41]:
Oh, my God, that's so true. It's really sad. But at that time, probably you weren't thinking about something long term. And I think women are always thinking about relationships as long term. Isn't that funny? I mean, not 100%, but I don't know how many women just casually enter into a relationship with a man and not think about some kind of future or she's not measuring him or considering that in some way. And I think a lot of men are like, oh, this person, she's a great dinner companion. I enjoy talking to her. I have fun with her.
Lisa Shield [00:25:33]:
But if he were to stand back and say, do I want to spend the rest of my life with her? A lot of guys aren't asking that question until a woman actually says, I'd love to know what you think.
Benjamin Shield [00:25:49]:
And at that point, he either begins to pull away or he capitulates because he doesn't want to lose her. I mean, this may be the best woman he's ever known.
Lisa Shield [00:26:02]:
So it may really make him stop and think.
Benjamin Shield [00:26:04]:
It may make him stop and think, but it may make him act precipitously beyond faster than his pace of really feeling secure in the relationship, feeling that some of the issues have been, if not totally, worked through. At least there's a rational dialogue to talk about things and to honor each other's positions and all of that prior. So sometimes a man needs to know all of these things and then stepping into a marriage is effortless. But if there's these issues that he may not have even been able to verbalize or crystallize into thoughts, but there's just something holding back that if he's pushed well, they could still have a happily ever after. And people do grow, and they grow together and they honor each other's personal growth, but without that foundation of intimate dialogue and understanding and all of those things where people feel that they're not just a picture waiting for a picture frame, waiting for a picture to put in. I think it was Marion Williamson who said that some people have a picture frame which may be the house, the car, the husband, the two children, what the house is going to look like, and then just waiting for a photo to put in that picture frame. And some men feel that, particularly if a woman is nearing the end of her childbearing years, that he may feel that.
Lisa Shield [00:28:09]:
Wow. What I'm hearing is that some women have this dream, this vision in their head, and they're just finding some guy that they can fit into it. And men feel that. And they also feel that if they do, if they decide to fit into that picture, it could be very restricting for them.
Benjamin Shield [00:28:42]:
They can feel used even if they're with the woman of their dreams, and even if they share much of the same dreams, they could feel used because there could have been another photo put in that picture.
Lisa Shield [00:28:56]:
Yeah, because if he hadn't worked, then they'd go find the next guy or the one that they could manipulate or get to fit into the photo. It's interesting. I didn't have an agenda. Did you feel that from me?
Benjamin Shield [00:29:13]:
No. In fact, after an unsatisfying second marriage, which is very brief of two years, I didn't want to get married again. It was just like, why put myself through that?
Lisa Shield [00:29:33]:
It was miserable.
Benjamin Shield [00:29:36]:
It was two good people getting together who didn't know each other at all. And we were in different cities, like 2500 miles apart and quoting that way, so we really didn't get to know each other.
Lisa Shield [00:29:59]:
And she was trying to fit you at the end, she was trying to fit you into her picture.
Benjamin Shield [00:30:04]:
Right. And in the beginning, honestly, I was trying to fit her by picture. I was ready. I was at a certain age, I think I was in my late thirty s and I was just ready to settle down. And I knew that in all those years I may not have found the perfect person. So what I'm going to do is find a good person and make it work. And it has to work because we're married. It has to work.
Benjamin Shield [00:30:32]:
Wow. I was so wrong. And so we both had two different picture frames. We were fitting each other in and I knew that she wasn't the perfect person, but I knew she was a good person and probably the same her thoughts about me. But we had two different picture frames and we were hanging in two different museums.
Lisa Shield [00:31:03]:
Oh, my God. That's hysterical. Well, I'm glad her museum closed for good because we're hanging side by side in the same one. Yeah. So you didn't want to get remarried, but I also wasn't going to. I don't know. It's such a weird thing because I think there came a point where I had pushed so hard for relationships. I had pushed.
Lisa Shield [00:31:38]:
I had thought that I knew what I wanted or that I had something that I was going for and then I just was like, I got to this place of complete surrender and I was like, no, I don't even know what I'm doing here. I am creating this story up here. I just have to start down here and just let everything go.
Benjamin Shield [00:32:10]:
I didn't feel any agenda.
Lisa Shield [00:32:14]:
I really didn't have one.
Benjamin Shield [00:32:17]:
And I didn't feel any pressure to get married. I've told the story many times, but I eventually wanted to get married. Not that my commitment would have been any different, but I just couldn't introduce you as my significant other. My partner.
Lisa Shield [00:32:35]:
That's a funny term. My significant other out of a psychology.
Benjamin Shield [00:32:41]:
Book and any of those other terms. My companion, whatever it was.
Lisa Shield [00:32:48]:
Right.
Benjamin Shield [00:32:48]:
It didn't hit the mark. And I'm so proud to call you my wife. And I introduce you as my wife.
Lisa Shield [00:32:54]:
I'm proud for you to call me.
Benjamin Shield [00:32:57]:
And I use it often when I'm treating clients, when I'm in conversation with people. I'm very proud to call you my wife. But there are other relations that there are relationships that may be companion relationships and that's exactly what they're looking for. Just people that they may have separate residences that may be their comfort level. So there's all kinds of relationships and it doesn't have to look a certain way.
Lisa Shield [00:33:36]:
Yeah, it doesn't, but let's expand on that. I met a guy who was married in his sixty s I think I've shared this with you before, but they met and they lived on the east coast in two different states and they bought a house in the middle and they were married. They had a wedding and all but they maintained their separate households during the week because each of them had a full life that they had created. And then on the weekends they would go and spend the time together in their house. Yeah.
Benjamin Shield [00:34:18]:
And I'm sure they were the first people they would call if something happened during the day or if they just felt like they needed to say I love you. And so all of that, it can look the way it looks.
Lisa Shield [00:34:35]:
Well, that's what I was going to say to you, was that when I surrendered and I was like, I don't know. But all I knew when I met you was that I thought you were amazing. And I was like, this guy really likes me, so I'm just going to see where it goes. How far can I take this? Honestly, that was really the conversation I had with myself. I didn't know what distance I would go, but yeah, I just knew you were amazing. And it was so wonderful, all the work I did on myself, to be able to get to that place in my own consciousness, to be able to walk into when this opportunity presented itself, not to be after a ring or living together. I mean, yes, we decided to get married, but the flip side of that was I would still be in Los Felis and you would still be in Mar Vista and we'd still be going back and forth if that's what you had wanted.
Benjamin Shield [00:35:50]:
Yeah. And I think that as a testimony that neither one of us were that goal oriented. We had a finish line, that marriage was just something we slipped into. We bought a house together one year after we met, and because of all the moving in and all of that and establishing practices and we didn't get married for another year after that, but I actually had to backtrack. And get a dinner reservation at a great Los Angeles West Hollywood restaurant and get down on my knee just to have done it, because it was just seamless. It wasn't like in these rom coms or some of these Instagram things or video Facebook presentations where the woman is shocked, like, oh, my God. I'm not sure how good that is because I think if two people are ready to get married, it's like, of course. I think I presented your ring at a I tried to go back to the restaurant, this Thai restaurant in Los.
Lisa Shield [00:37:17]:
Angeles where we had our first day.
Benjamin Shield [00:37:18]:
Yeah. And I was all set. And it was a Monday because it was my day off, and the restaurant turned out to be closed on Monday. So we went to another one and I gave you a ring there, but I don't think it should be this like, oh, my God, oh, my God. It's two people walking together side by side. And it could be at different paces at different times, but when they begin to align and they're now side by side, it's not a surprise if they just walk towards that finish line together.
Lisa Shield [00:37:55]:
Yeah, that's so funny. But I also think about, like, we were always at the same place. And that in and of itself is wild. And I think it's because there weren't agendas, so there weren't milestones. I didn't have to have the wedding and the marriage and the certificate for any other reason than you asked me why I wanted to get married. And I said to you, I just want to take that ceremony, that moment in time where I don't even know who I'm saying thank you to. But I just wanted to say thank you for this gift that I have. And I figured if there is someone to thank, I wanted to have that bond before whatever it is.
Lisa Shield [00:38:59]:
And I'm not saying it's god, I don't know if anyone's listening, but I want to say thank you for this amazing gift.
Benjamin Shield [00:39:07]:
And our wedding was very simple, and we didn't let all the preparations and all the details get in the way. I mean, we got married in our living room and my best friend, Richard Carlson, who had sweat the small stuff, presided. Your brother was my best man and our dog, our sharpe. Bobo, was one of the witnesses.
Lisa Shield [00:39:35]:
I have to tell you the funniest thing. I'm editing some images for some new Facebook ads, and I just went through all of our wedding photos because there's one ad that we're going to use some of those for the ad. So as you're saying that, these images are fresh in my mind. So I want to talk a little, really, you know, just kind of went off topic a bit. I mean, it's on topic because what we're really showing everybody is that we have done these things, benjamin and me. We've been in those relationships. But if you really listen to us just talking casually, you can hear in our conversation our mindsets, the mindset that he and I have, which drives the dynamic of our relationship. So that we're not pushing agendas ever.
Lisa Shield [00:40:38]:
I mean, ever. Most fights or a lot of fights in couples are power struggles. And we don't have any power struggles in our relationship, so therefore we don't fight about anything.
Benjamin Shield [00:40:54]:
And I don't think two people should get married unless they're fully committed to what we call a guardian of your soul relationship, where both people so honor each other and see the goodness and all the things, all the parts of the other person goodness and other even more than they could see it themselves. They could see their soul and their soul's journey and honor that journey and support that journey for each other and for me. Well, for us, that's the kind of relationship we have, and we came into it with that. So, you know, you've we've rented you cabins in wine country or in the mountains in California to write, and I've taken care of things here with home and the dogs and all of that.
Lisa Shield [00:41:55]:
I've stayed while you've traveled and never and never even said, well, why won't you take me? Or. Can I come with you? No. You invited me to come with you in the times where you felt you had the bandwidth, which was fine. It was fine.
Benjamin Shield [00:42:19]:
Yeah. But we knew what our souls needed to really feel complete within ourselves.
Lisa Shield [00:42:28]:
And to do that, I'm just going to put this out there. To be in a Guardian of your soul relationship, you can't have an agenda, right? You can't. You have to be whole and complete in yourself. Like when you would go away and teach, of course I missed you, but I was completely fine. I had my work and I had my friends, and I just enjoyed that time just in a different way and looked forward to you coming back. So you have to be whole and complete in yourself. You can't be coming in anxious or with a picture frame that you're just trying to fill. You have to drop the agenda.
Lisa Shield [00:43:19]:
The real thing is to drop the agenda and you're looking not for a husband or whatever. You're looking for the person that you really feel you can dream a relationship with, where you'll co create it together, the two of you, without agendas, just out of love.
Benjamin Shield [00:43:46]:
Yeah.
Lisa Shield [00:43:55]:
All right. I am Lisa Shield. Thank you so much for joining us today.
Benjamin Shield [00:44:03]:
And I'm Benjamin Shield. It's been a pleasure.
Lisa Shield [00:44:06]:
And we would like you to send your future suggestions for topics, for podcasts, to podcast@lisashield.com. Also, I just really want to encourage you to go to my website, lisashield.com, and click the button. There is a button all over the site. That's how you can watch my free 45 minutes webinar or master class. Call it what you will. At the end of that, you can sign up for a free breakthrough call with a member of my team. I highly suggest you do that. If you want to find the guardian of your soul, they are out there.
Lisa Shield [00:44:50]:
There are amazing men like my husband everywhere. But in order to find it, you first have to know what you're looking for. And then you really have to cultivate the qualities in yourself so that you can be a partner to that man. No agendas, no nothing. So talk to us. I also do another broadcast called Finding the Guardian of Your Soul. You can find that as well. And thank you for joining us.
Benjamin Shield [00:45:27]:
US. Thank you.