In this episode, Lisa and Benjamin Shield discuss the qualities men look for in women, emphasizing the importance of kindness, empathy, positivity, and respect in fostering successful and lasting relationships. They share personal anecdotes and insights on how feminine energy and mutual appreciation can strengthen bonds in a partnership.
In this episode of 'Getting Inside the Right Male Mind,' hosts Lisa and Benjamin Shield dive into the concept of checklists that both men and women have when looking for a partner. They explore why understanding a man's checklist is crucial for a successful relationship. Key topics include the importance of kindness, empathy, confidence, femininity, positivity, and respect in a woman. They also discuss how negative behaviors like drama, entitlement, and rudeness can be turn-offs. The Shields share personal anecdotes and offer actionable advice for women looking to find meaningful, lasting relationships.
Here are just a few highlights you won’t want to miss:
This conversation is packed with insights that can transform how you approach dating and relationships. Whether you’re single and searching or looking to deepen your current relationship, this episode is full of valuable perspectives and actionable advice.
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Lisa Shield [00:00:01]:
Hello, everybody. I'm Lisa Shield.
Benjamin Shield [00:00:03]:
And I'm Benjamin Shield.
Lisa Shield [00:00:04]:
And this is getting inside the right male mind. Today we have what I think is a fascinating topic for all of you. I had a huge breakthrough when I was dating, and I realized that I had a checklist. I think we all do in some ways. Whether your checklist is long or short, would you agree that everybody has a checklist?
Benjamin Shield [00:00:29]:
Yeah. Men and women both.
Lisa Shield [00:00:30]:
Men and women both. The thing was that I knew what was on my checklist, but I realized that I didn't know what was on a man's checklist. And that actually was equally or more important than knowing what was on mine because a man had criteria that I wasn't aware of. I could be checking off the boxes on my list all day long, and I could be turning off that man sitting across from me. So I thought today we'd talk about that, babe.
Benjamin Shield [00:01:06]:
Perfect. I think this is much needed.
Lisa Shield [00:01:10]:
This is much needed. I just. Let's dive in. Like, what's number one on a man's checklist or on your checklist?
Benjamin Shield [00:01:20]:
If I were to walk into a date, let's say at a Starbucks or at a restaurant, you could tell in a moment if there's. In a woman's eyes, if there's kindness, if there's empathy, if there's warmth, and I think that would be the first thing.
Lisa Shield [00:01:37]:
So you think all men are looking for that?
Benjamin Shield [00:01:40]:
I think that men can be attracted to ice queens and. But that won't last longer than antithate and kindness. So I think men who are serious about a relationship and not just looking to hook up or just trying to find the shiniest pay they can get, this is what they're looking for. Because they're looking for someone who's serious about a relationship is looking for the long term. And in the long term, they want that and they want playfulness. They want a woman who they could wake up next to 20, 30 years from now, and they're smiling, they're playful. Together we show warmth and kindness and empathy towards each other.
Lisa Shield [00:02:24]:
Do I hear young women thinking, that's all fine and good. I am playful, I am warm, I am kind. But don't men just first look for beauty? Aren't they looking at a woman's physical appearance? First of all, I think that, yes.
Benjamin Shield [00:02:44]:
It always attracts a man appearance, but happens quickly after that is to have senses that women in her body. Does she carry a sense of confidence? Is she dressed appropriately? Because if someone comes in and looks like they just stepped off and a Man is in cover. That's attractive until the conversation starts. A man is looking, the attraction is important. But feeling that a woman is in her body and she has this confidence of who she is, this authenticity that becomes far more important.
Lisa Shield [00:03:23]:
More important than her being an emotional basket case.
Benjamin Shield [00:03:28]:
I think a man is always looking for a woman who are drama free completely. And all of us have some baggage. But there are women that can lead with their baggage, lead with the drama, and even lead with negativity. Positivity is media and aphrodisiac. It's men look for that. And if a woman is at the table and they're negative or they're complaining, then it's a true mouth.
Lisa Shield [00:03:59]:
Why does a man want a positive woman? I understand it's important to be positive, but on a more romantic, relationship related level. Why is that so important to a man?
Benjamin Shield [00:04:15]:
I think men have been in relationships where they've felt that they needed to say I'm sorry more than they say I love you. So when a woman is positive, it's much easier to come to a resolution with something. And if a woman is negative, it feels like both people are already in the hole. There's only a strike or two against the guy. If someone is positive, they'll give someone the benefit of the doubt. And that's important for.
Lisa Shield [00:04:43]:
Do you think a positive woman would also be easier to please?
Benjamin Shield [00:04:48]:
Oh, absolutely, Absolutely. I think you told a story about someone giving lingerie for a birthday or Christmas and she didn't like the brand. And he. It's not easy for a man to walk into a luxury store.
Lisa Shield [00:05:04]:
And this was back in the day where people. He wouldn't have gotten it online.
Benjamin Shield [00:05:08]:
A bit embarrassing to walk in the store full of women's underwear and turn on sneaking with a collapsible sweat nose and the mustache. And so if a woman's positive, if a woman's there saying, oh, I'm so disappointed, this isn't my brand and is nowhere. And a positive woman would say, wow, I wish I could have been flying the ball when you bought this. These are beautiful. I have to be honest, it's not quite my style. And maybe you and I can join together and pick out something that you know in the future what I really like.
Lisa Shield [00:05:46]:
Yeah, yeah. It's not that she didn't like it, it's the way that she was so negative and how upset she got by it. Women go to this place of, if he would have knew me, he would have known.
Benjamin Shield [00:06:00]:
We're not mind readers.
Lisa Shield [00:06:03]:
We're not in there reading the label on our launcher. Which brand? I get it. What else? Babe, I get. So empathy, kindness, compassion, positivity. What are some other things that would really be on a man's checklist and.
Benjamin Shield [00:06:21]:
Why a man is looking for a woman who's feminine. He doesn't want to be sitting across from a nice queen who's beautiful but not feminine. He doesn't want to sit across from someone who feels like a corporate cohort.
Lisa Shield [00:06:39]:
What's that like when you're on a date and the woman is being very masculine and you're trying to engage her? She's pretty. You were attracted enough to her that you invited her out, and yet as you're sitting across from her, you can't melt her heart. She's so in her head.
Benjamin Shield [00:07:00]:
Let me flip that around just for a moment. Then I'll come back to if a man is sitting across from a woman who is feminine, it puts him in his masculine. So, you know, and there might be just the occasional touch on this hand or just the way she puts her hand through her hair is captivating and being feminine. If you've seen the movies from the 1950s and 60s and North Perry to Saint Marie and North by Northwest, when she's across from man, she's feminine. And part of that femininity comes from there's nothing else existing except she and the person across from her. So if a woman is in her head and not in her heart, if she's dealing with men in the corporate world and she takes out on a date, a woman just lean back because he can't be in his full masculinity. He wants someone who is going to be turned on 20 years from now. And we know women in their 80s who are a turn on because they're in the feminine.
Lisa Shield [00:08:10]:
So let me ask you a question. What is it like? What's going through your head when you're sitting across from a woman? We do our Q and A calls all the time with the women and the course. And I am certain that you are sitting there thinking, oh, my gosh, this woman you saw masculine sometimes. What is that like for you as a man?
Benjamin Shield [00:08:34]:
If a woman is masculine, it's really depending on the moment, but it can feel infantilizing to a man because there's a certain dynamic with men and women, and when that dynamic is turned on his head, it's not attractive.
Lisa Shield [00:08:51]:
Do you think that it seemed to him that the lemon is chewing her mask? And that can also bring up the worst in the guy? If you have Some kind, some very macho guy or whatever. A man that wants to impress or assert his masculinity. Do you think it can bring out the worst in him?
Benjamin Shield [00:09:10]:
It might, but I think what it means even more than that is that the woman isn't playful. There's not the humor. And for a man who doesn't get into his heart with his male friends, they sit on the bar stool and they look at a TV and there may be three football games on it and it's great. But a man goes on a date or wants to be in a relationship with a woman because it brings his heart to the forefront. And if a woman is in her head, then what's the point? It's you're happy when the evening's over and even if it's not going to be a match. And you may know it's not going to be a match either. The woman knows, the man knows. They're probably bloated, but they know how if two people are in their heart and the woman is in her feminine, the man can be in his masculine.
Benjamin Shield [00:10:04]:
They both believe the date enlist and better because of it. Not with the idea that women are wasted evening and there are no good women or there are no good men.
Lisa Shield [00:10:15]:
Ah, this is out of the blue, but I never asked you this question before and I'm really curious because we all have blind spots and I'm wondering in our early dating. I'm totally open. I know you give beautiful feedback. I'm not worried about what you would say, but I would invite your honesty. Were there things that I did to turn you off in the beginning of her duty?
Benjamin Shield [00:10:45]:
No, Laura, we wouldn't be sitting here more than 22 years later. I think that I created a container large enough for any small things. It might turn other people off. I can't even think of what they would be. But I kept getting a yes. You know that and yes and yes. And that's why more than 22 years later, we really haven't had a fight. We're deeply in love.
Benjamin Shield [00:11:11]:
We're playful with each other. Our favorite thing is just being with each other.
Lisa Shield [00:11:15]:
Yeah. And I want everybody to know if he had answered that differently, I would have been perfectly fine. I really wanted to. Benjamin and I are very well.
Benjamin Shield [00:11:24]:
Yeah, it was the belly button ring.
Lisa Shield [00:11:28]:
How about that phony ponytail, Mr. Well, if you had said splat jumping up, it would have been completely fine. I would actually want to know. So we're very honest with each other and we really know it all comes from love. And we invite honesty. I know that as long as think about our relationship and also just how I was showing up in our relationship, I respected you so much. I do respect to not past tense, but when I met you, I was in awe of you. In awe.
Lisa Shield [00:12:14]:
I don't know that anybody had ever inspired that kind of awe. And I just wanted so badly I respected you. Everything that I did really came out of that respect, if that makes sense. I just really was motivated by that. So there wasn't even any thought about am I doing the right thing and the left Dickens or it just came from the right place in me. I think that's part of what is important for people to know is that we can tell you all these things that you're supposed that one look at and when your heart is in the right place and you're motivated by the right for the right reasons, a lot of that comes very naturally once you meet the right person.
Benjamin Shield [00:13:09]:
I think a lot of it came on first date when we shared not just our interests, but our core values. And because if two people have shared core values, it's exciting. It could be different religions, it could be different cultures, but if they have the same core values, wow, that's great. And to be able to talk about that freely and talk about it and also actively listen from the other person what their values are.
Lisa Shield [00:13:40]:
We were fortunate that so many things aligned for us. I know you're looking, as you said, for kindness and empathy and positivity. What else would a man. And what looks so important? Of course you have to be attracted. But what I think a lot of women miss the fact if a man invites a woman on a date, he's probably attracted to her already. Is that true, honey?
Benjamin Shield [00:14:09]:
Oh, yeah, definitely. Even though we may have just had a zoom call, but it was enough to want to get to know someone even more.
Lisa Shield [00:14:18]:
What if you'd met somebody in real life and you asked her out? You would have. The first thing you know, you would have established where she found her attractive enough to one go on a date with her.
Benjamin Shield [00:14:28]:
Yeah, I believe both her personality, her profile, all of those things.
Lisa Shield [00:14:33]:
And what else? What are some things that women wouldn't know?
Benjamin Shield [00:14:38]:
I think that as a man, if I were to spend like on our days, I spend a lot of time just researching restaurants to make sure that it's a place you could eat at, that it was convenient for you.
Lisa Shield [00:14:49]:
You didn't know that?
Benjamin Shield [00:14:50]:
Oh, yeah. That you like tables next to the wall and that then you like quiet restaurants and we. So a man can Put in a lot of time and effort. And it's just magical when a woman says, wow, you picked a green spot. Or I know that you really put effort into this and it paid off. Thank you.
Lisa Shield [00:15:13]:
Aww.
Benjamin Shield [00:15:14]:
So appreciation of a man opens the door for a woman at a restaurant. Or walks into the car just having just a moment of appreciation.
Lisa Shield [00:15:24]:
Why, Samantha, it's so funny hearing you say this. It's so sweet. And I'm sure it's true for a lot of men. But they go out of their way to impress women and get it all right. Especially a true gentleman would be listening and watching and wanting to please her. I think that so easily gets stepped over. And I really hope that the women listening are hearing her. The emotion in your voice when you were expressing that.
Lisa Shield [00:16:02]:
Because I think a lot of men put so much thought into a date and it's not good enough for the woman. And he feels it. He feels it. And I think women are easily disappointed by men. They have expectations and ideas of what a guy to do. The mind reading thing and all. I took so much time. I got dressed and I had my hair done and my.
Benjamin Shield [00:16:34]:
I remember I'm wearing a taco stand.
Lisa Shield [00:16:37]:
Yeah. And maybe he put a lot of thought into that disgusting taco truck.
Benjamin Shield [00:16:43]:
That's really place. And the woman is maybe thinking about, wow, I was really expecting something nice. But he's. His buttons are popping off for privacy. You guys, this is amazing. Taco. Anybody wants to share?
Lisa Shield [00:16:58]:
Can I. This is such a wonderful analogy of that. Lana. We decided to go to Northern California for our honeymoon. That's what they're called. And I remember it wasn't a place I would have chosen.
Benjamin Shield [00:17:16]:
This is Big Sur.
Lisa Shield [00:17:17]:
This is Big Sur. It's a very elegant place. It was a five star resort. Very well known and well respected. But just not my pace. It's a little austere. It was a little too. I wasn't even the rusticness.
Lisa Shield [00:17:34]:
I'm not even the biggest fan of California casual. Like the California look and style. So when we got there, my heart sank because it just wasn't me. But I looked around and I said to myself, Benjamin is so happy to take me here. And she loves this place. Guntana. Yeah, he loves Guntana. And Roland, I am going to see this through his eyes.
Lisa Shield [00:18:08]:
And I'm going to have the best gambling that you've had, ever had. And being willing to open myself up and have that little pep talk with myself. It was magical.
Benjamin Shield [00:18:22]:
Yeah. And I remember they brought a golf cart to take us. Check out or take us to our car. And we were literally, with our fingernails, holding onto the bed because we didn't want to leave.
Lisa Shield [00:18:36]:
We were together, we were cuddling on the bed, just holding each other every single moment. But I remember I was just. I said, this is the place Benjamin wanted to go. He is my husband and I am going to see this through his eyes. It was so Wendy Finn. And I just thought, this is how much I love you. I thought, oh, my God, he would be so hurt and so disappointed if I showed an ounce of disappointment, because he would want everything to be right for me. And so I'm going to make it right.
Lisa Shield [00:19:15]:
And that was a choice, but it wasn't happy because it was beautiful and we loved it. So it's somebody who wants to be pleased and can find the beauty in things and look for the beauty.
Benjamin Shield [00:19:32]:
And a long ago, you spoke about respect, which means the world's real. Clearly, a man wants to be respected even more than he wants to be loved. Respect is so important to him. A man is looking for if a woman can show respect to him, but also to the people around her. The wait staff, the parking tendant, the person refilling the iced tea or whatever it is. And it's magical if she shows respect for those people.
Lisa Shield [00:20:06]:
So, honey, women want to be loved more than respected. Like we want lots of women. I want respect, too. And. And those are the supermassive. I would not want to be disrespected. But certainly feeling loved and cherished and adored is number one for me as a woman. Talk a little bit for the women who don't understand.
Lisa Shield [00:20:30]:
Why is respect for a man even more important than feeling loved?
Benjamin Shield [00:20:35]:
Almost everything a man does, even though he may not know it consciously, but is to get respect. His position in the company, his income, the car that he drives, the labels that he wears, all of that is to get respect. And for a man, it's really his lifeblood. And so to get respect, as I get from you daily, respect just keeps our lives together, our memories alive. And I look forward to each day, and I don't look forward to each day only because it's one day less.
Lisa Shield [00:21:15]:
Yeah, I think that it's important for women to understand for men, so many women don't respect men. They don't treat men with respect. And it's so important to understand how to show respect to a man. I think we should do another talk about that because I think that's such an important thing. How does a woman show respect for a man? Sometimes women Think we're doing that and it's not. Something's getting lost in translation. Respecting the man means letting him come to his own conclusions, believing in him, noticing, paying attention and acknowledging. I am so genuinely proud of how you've built your practice in Santa for.
Lisa Shield [00:22:13]:
I know leaving Los Angeles, even if it was during the pandemic we had that break, but for you to come here and completely reestablish yourself at your age, that was extraordinary. And I constantly tell you how proud I am, how much I admire you. Every time a client walks in that door, I think to myself, that is a lucky person to have a session with you. You could be whatever. I, for me personally wouldn't let you. I loved your career. I loved what he did for a living.
Benjamin Shield [00:22:55]:
Even though on my profile picture you got. I was in Todd Word acting because it was a black and white headshot.
Lisa Shield [00:23:04]:
Yeah. It turned out it was the photo from your book, Chuck. But who knew in LA it's always black and white Photos are actors. But I love that you're a body worker. I love that you choose that. For a man like you to choose to be that career path, that was an unusual career choice for you.
Benjamin Shield [00:23:30]:
I demonstrate for that.
Lisa Shield [00:23:31]:
I know you did, but you're not. You are one of the most accomplished, knowledgeable, serious people in your field.
Benjamin Shield [00:23:47]:
So getting back to the first stage, there are some things that might turn the man off even though he's had a checklist and there's some things that are negative. Checklist. If a woman sitting in classroom and keeps looking at her phone or is texting or keeps your window on unless there's something going on. She may have a babysitter and take looking after the kids or something like that as she needs to keep it up, but not just pulling it out because we can be addicted to the phone and in the moment of silence someone may pull it out and it's just a pet interrupter. And again, we talked about respect for people around. If a woman shows the least bit of rudeness to a service, even if the service is not good, but there are ways to deal with it. And a man is really looking for these clues of what it's going to be like being with her. And if she has equanimity and grace in handling things, he knows that she's going to treat him.
Benjamin Shield [00:24:57]:
She's going to treat him with grace and equanimity.
Lisa Shield [00:25:00]:
So he's looking at how she treats other people and then applying that to household retain.
Benjamin Shield [00:25:07]:
Yeah. If someone is short quinta. If someone spills bottle on you or showing the glass or something like that or if someone knocks over a glass of champagne at a table in an Italian restaurant.
Lisa Shield [00:25:21]:
Luckily it wasn't red wine.
Benjamin Shield [00:25:26]:
That's a movie's true to me but it and I think man is also looking to see if there's a lot of drama in this woman's life and she's leading with the drama or leading with negativity and gossip and gossip. Absolutely. Because if she's gossiping about other people he can be pretty certain she's going to be gossiping about him. And I think when I can't speak for women, I think men are much more private.
Lisa Shield [00:25:59]:
Yeah, women talk a lot about stuff but I don't think men want women talking about this.
Benjamin Shield [00:26:06]:
Men come home from a dating call two or three of his meals and.
Lisa Shield [00:26:12]:
Process that's happened and yeah honey and.
Benjamin Shield [00:26:16]:
Good men and also if one thing is part of that negativity might be talking about exes, ex relationships, past relationships and I think a big turn off.
Lisa Shield [00:26:28]:
Well, can I pause you for a second? It's not that you can talk about exes or past relationships but let's clarify. It's how you talk about them.
Benjamin Shield [00:26:36]:
Exactly. Your feeling says I knew so much about this last relationship. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't what I know now what I'm looking for.
Lisa Shield [00:26:44]:
Well you talk about good things like we travel and he had a great sense of there can be good things.
Benjamin Shield [00:26:51]:
About the zones when you've gotten together to be if you're absent minded how. And you know and also that I know that women can complain when they sit across a man. He may start talking and continue non stop for 45 minutes that she can't get away with. Sometimes the opposite is true. And the goal is to have this conversation where a little bit of vulnerability is shared from each person and the person sees how it's received and responded to. And the vulnerability, the emotional openness can keep growing and that really creates a bond between the people. And I think it's important for a man to know that a woman has a life of her own, that she's deeply involved. She has both feet in the world, in life and she's not just looking for a plus one.
Benjamin Shield [00:27:51]:
She's looking to nourish her life and for two people to make their worlds bigger as they're together.
Lisa Shield [00:27:58]:
When men worry about a woman becoming maybe once they get into a relationship. Right. That's a big thing. They worry that a woman. Because this often happens. I've heard this so often that a woman presents herself as having this full life and then she gets. They get into the relationship and all of that disappears. She just becomes dependent on the guy.
Benjamin Shield [00:28:26]:
It's one of the reasons we talk about taking things slowly. You really get to know someone and it's not just the beautiful lights of the honeymoon phase in dating, but you really get to see someone over time.
Lisa Shield [00:28:40]:
And also it's important that people date and take things slowly. So as you do that you become more perceptive about people. If that makes sense. Like by the time I met you I knew who you were. Like my own question was I up to snuff if I had upped my game enough to be with you but saw that you were a man. We do life together, you know that raised bar I'd been reaching for. So I think also taking things slowly by the time so you can catch things and something like that. This is a little off topic but we had both done so much work that by the time we met we really didn't have to work on the relationship at all.
Benjamin Shield [00:29:40]:
Yeah, I think a disservice when therapists think that or book authors write books on the importance of relationship or for two people to get together and work through their issues. Maybe you. I agree on that. We work on our issues even before the relationship.
Lisa Shield [00:29:59]:
I want to say some people do cut their neat at that level and that is what their relationships are about. However, what gets missed in the conversation is that there's a whole other way to enter into relationship that isn't that where you have done your work where you really are coming in as an evolved mature person who's ready for an adult relationship. So we both worked through our stuff. We did the other dynamic in past relationships and knew that we were not that there was a whole different way and we found that way. But it is important for people to know that if you're single and you're dating you can work through a lot of those issues before you get into the relationship. So you don't have to do that. Harvl Hendrix and I'll go for a beat.
Benjamin Shield [00:30:58]:
And I think whole lot of people fall in the trap where they do or take horses like you offer that they will keep recapitulating relationships in the effort to consciously or unconsciously heal when it's they're used to. And that is just. That's a recipe for failure because they're settling again.
Lisa Shield [00:31:20]:
It's just paranoid that we've been taught that's what relationships are about. My paradigm is I Love you so much that I don't want to sit in process with you. I want your life to be bigger and easier and more playful because we have each other, not because. Not to sit there and work out issues and problems together. I'll go see a therapist who fund.
Benjamin Shield [00:31:47]:
Me to do that. And in our. In the practice. Yeah, it's rare. But there's an occasional woman that could be so negative about dating.
Lisa Shield [00:31:57]:
Yes.
Benjamin Shield [00:31:58]:
That they go into the dates with negativity and they know good men or like a photo or something. And they're going on a date anyway and they go into that attitude and it's a recipe for failure because a man could feel it. It's hard to hide anything on a date.
Lisa Shield [00:32:15]:
It's hard to create fun with when you walk in with a negative or even create any kind of spark or possibility when you're already seeing it through a negative lens.
Benjamin Shield [00:32:25]:
And negativity puts us in our head, not our heart. And so I think to sum it up, when a man goes into a date, ideally he wants to get this. To know this person more and more. But let's say that you walk in and you scream. It's just a different frequency. It's just not a match. But two people need an opportunity to see a class from a stranger that you may never see again and learn all about her and someone's way of thinking, what their life is like to share yours and to really have this great interaction. And these people feel enriched, smile.
Benjamin Shield [00:33:08]:
And Maya Angelou said, you don't remember what we said, but you remember how you felt.
Lisa Shield [00:33:13]:
Yeah.
Benjamin Shield [00:33:13]:
And we have encounters like that. It encourages us to go on that next date rather than discourage us. When you have a checklist, an interview checklist is like a job interview. And so many dates are like that. But when it the other way, where it's this rich dance with these two people, it's fun, it's interesting. Even if you know there's not going to be a second date. We both people know. You both say thank you.
Lisa Shield [00:33:41]:
It's such a shame because so many people, women we work with women, so many. I hear the women when they go on these dates, but they have. When we say that a woman has an agenda, what does that mean? Can you explain to people like. Because that agenda is what's killing the dates.
Benjamin Shield [00:34:02]:
My agenda would be I'm looking for a CEO that wouldn't be picked up in limousines, that I'm looking for a guy who's over 6ft tall. Or I'm looking for a guy who meets certain criteria. And the more criteria that's added to the list, the fewer the people there are.
Lisa Shield [00:34:23]:
But the agenda. And the reason agendas sanitize dates is because it doesn't allow for two people just out of kindness and connection and all too many get to know each other instead. The only reason that woman is really there is to see if this woman checks off the boxes. And then if he does, she'll explore, what are you looking for? What do you want instead of just sitting across from somebody and how was your day? And it's really nice to meet you and just being in the moment with that person. So the agenda, if he doesn't meet her criteria or she doesn't think he's a worthy candidate for a potential partner, she's gone.
Benjamin Shield [00:35:13]:
Yeah. And so many countless women who have taken her course are with guardians of their souls with their life partner, are married and have family now. And what percent of those women feel that if they had this preconception of what the guy was going to be like, probably in almost every case, it's going to be like, I love this guy more than anything in the world and he's not what I expected.
Lisa Shield [00:35:43]:
Yeah. But the thing I really want people to get. And then we're going to end about agendas because I think that this is such an important point. If you're going on a date and you're out there only to suss out whether or not you are my future husband, the minute I meet you, if I look at you and I think, oh, God, there's going to be an hour and a half of both of our lives that follow. That's me just thinking, when can we get out of here? How quick can you end? I have no interest in this guy. I have a million things to do. That's where a woman with an agenda is going to go in her head instead of. But he's got a beautiful smile and.
Benjamin Shield [00:36:32]:
Long eyes or instead of natural curiosity.
Lisa Shield [00:36:35]:
Yeah. So that's the difference. A lot of you just go on a date, and if you determine very quickly that this man is a waste of your time, you're just sitting there wondering when you can get the hell out of there. And there's no connection. And my guess is every single one of those men, whether you sat with him for half an hour or an hour, you could have had a lonely time canceling this person the minute you met him. All right, honey, just to sum up a few of the highlights of things that turn Men are that known that are on the men's checklist. What would some of those things be?
Benjamin Shield [00:37:22]:
Kindness. Having a playfulness, even a sense of humor. Because it means that the relationship is going to be fun and stay fun. That they're open to an engaging conversation where it breaks the conversation and grows. Because two people are sharing vulnerabilities and they're just building and creating more and more of a bond. That there's a sense of appreciation, that if a man really goes out of his way to make the date, to plan the date and to make it right, even if it doesn't turn out right, that there's an appreciation and that the woman has a positive attitude and she comes in with her feminine, which doesn't mean sexy. It means true feminine, that essence. And sometimes that can get dampened in the world or with family responsibilities or to really bring the feminine forward so the man can be Ms.
Benjamin Shield [00:38:22]:
Masculine. And again, it's not sexual, but it's just what brings people together. If we can bring up our core values so that people can get excited that they share the same values, or they can just say, wow, that's really interesting. You have a different worldview and I'd love to hear about it. And it may not be a second date, but you know something about it. And if it was just for a woman and a man for both people to be attentive, not to be reaching for their thorns or for both people to be punctual for the date, to dress accordingly. Not overdressing, because there's a lack of authenticity when we overdress and a lack of caring if we underdress. So just staying in that zone and really having that natural curiosity for both people so that human again.
Benjamin Shield [00:39:22]:
Ideally, there'll be a second and third and beyond. But even if there's not gonna be a second date, you get to learn about someone, you get to be with someone. How many times on the planet you will be with a complete stranger and get to really know them. Sit across.
Lisa Shield [00:39:39]:
People may be surprised. Like Charlotte in Saxon City, wound up with the little short lawyer guy and she had been married to Kyle McLaughlin. You might be surprised who you fall for. Somebody may not be your type when you first realize on them, but once he starts opening up and you see his heart and who he is, you can fall in love. And the last one is respect. Showing respect.
Benjamin Shield [00:40:11]:
And that a man will just. It will light a man out.
Lisa Shield [00:40:14]:
Yeah. All right. Thank you, babe. That was great. Thank you so much for watching. I'm Lisa Shield.
Benjamin Shield [00:40:21]:
And I'm Benjamin Shield.
Lisa Shield [00:40:22]:
And this has been getting Inside the Right in youn Mind. If you'd like to learn more, please go to lisashield.com click the button all over my website to watch my free presentation. At the end, you can sign up for a love Strategy session with a member of my team to see if we can help you find a guy like him and have a relationship like this. If this is something you might be looking for, we would love to help you find it. And also I do another broadcast called Finding the Guardian of your Soul, which is the name of both of these podcasts. And please send ideas to us. We would love your suggestions for future topics and those can be sent to podcast@lisashield.com thank you again for joining us. Enjoy the rest of your day.
Lisa Shield [00:41:17]:
Bye.