Welcome back to "Finding the Guardian of Your Soul ®," the podcast that delves deep into the realms of love, relationships, and personal growth. In today's episode titled "GITRMM: Embracing the Sensual: Femininity and the Power of Sensual Expression," your hosts, Benjamin Shield and Lisa Shield, invite you to explore the transformative power of embracing your senses and the profound impact it can have on your romantic journey. Benjamin, a seasoned body worker with over 40 years of experience, takes us on a captivating journey as they share their personal discovery of the sensual realm. Drawn to body work after experiencing its remarkable effects firsthand, they bring an authentic perspective that will leave you intrigued and inspired. But that's not all – stick around until the end, because there's an exclusive opportunity waiting for you. By visiting lisashield.com and clicking a button, you can book a call with our team to learn more about finding the guardian of your soul. And don't forget to check out our previous episodes, "Finding the Guardian of Your Soul" and "Getting Inside the Right Male Mind," available on various platforms. Plus, we encourage you to send in your requests for future podcast topics to podcast@lisashield.com – your input matters to us. We value your support, so be sure to rate, like, and provide feedback on the podcast. And most importantly, spread the word! Share the excitement with your friends, family, and colleagues – together, we can create a community dedicated to unlocking the secrets of love and self-discovery. Continue On Your Journey: Lisa Shield | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Book a Call With Lisa Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com
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Lisa Shield | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Book a Call With Lisa
Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com
Lisa Shield [00:00:03]:
Hello, everybody, and welcome to getting inside the right male mind. I'm Lisa shield.
Benjamin Shield [00:00:10]:
And I'm Benjamin Shield.
Lisa Shield [00:00:11]:
And we're so happy to have you here today. We haven't done one of these in a little while.
Benjamin Shield [00:00:18]:
We haven't?
Lisa Shield [00:00:19]:
No, we've got lots going on here. In fact, we've got an amazing retreat coming up with, what, almost 50 women here in Santa Fe. Yeah, it's going to be incredible. And the topic, believe it or not, is sensuality. What we're going to talk about today.
Benjamin Shield [00:00:38]:
The search for sensuality.
Lisa Shield [00:00:40]:
Yeah, it's going to be really an amazing event. Well, let's get started with today's subject, which is embracing the sensual. Feminine. Embracing the sensual. Embracing the sensual. There should be a colon. There femininity and the power of sexual expression.
Benjamin Shield [00:01:08]:
Great.
Lisa Shield [00:01:09]:
Yeah.
Benjamin Shield [00:01:10]:
It's really about for both women and men, exploring the world with all five senses. In my dating profile over 21 years ago, and I put in, I'm looking for a woman who lives life with all of her senses, with all her senses. And that was 21 years ago. And I found a woman wow, 21 years ago, that really embraces the world with all of her senses. And what that means to me is that when a woman is in her senses, she's experiencing the world fully, and there's something extraordinarily sensual about that. When someone is not experiencing the world in their senses, there's a dichotomy. There's a separation between who they are and what's outside the world. So when a woman is in her senses and she's savoring her food, she's enjoying the sense of nature or the food around her. And the touch isn't just grabbing a glass, but caressing it. It lets a man into her world. It both mesmerizes and magnetizes a man, because women offer something that men don't have. We could chow down a hamburger and see how fast we could drink a beer.
Lisa Shield [00:02:56]:
And we love to watch you do that.
Benjamin Shield [00:02:58]:
And it's masculine, but it's not sensuous. And so men look to women for that sensuality that they lack, and it draws them in.
Lisa Shield [00:03:14]:
Yeah, well, women can be like exotic creatures to a man. We can seem so foreign and alluring and yeah, this is what you're looking for, not to sit and have a business like conversation over dinner with questions and answers and whatever, but men are really there to soak in our sensuality.
Benjamin Shield [00:03:41]:
Right. You can imagine how a man would leave a date after having spent an evening or an afternoon with a woman who's in her senses, who's just enjoying everything around her and who's, you know, there's very little separation between who she is and what's out there and how a man in opposing to that, in opposition to that, how a man would feel if he were just asked a lot of interview questions. And there wasn't really much connection or sensuality on the part of the woman, how a man would feel when he got home.
Lisa Shield [00:04:27]:
Right.
Benjamin Shield [00:04:28]:
The experience with a sensual woman, a sensuous woman. And we're not talking about sexual, but we're talking about sensual. And in many ways, it's the sensuality that will linger in a man's mind. Yeah, that's so cool.
Lisa Shield [00:04:49]:
It's kind of the same, I guess, for women when we come home for a date. I don't think men feel this way, but women feel deeply disappointed. If a man doesn't feel masculine, he doesn't take charge. He doesn't just pick up the check and not let her pay for it. There are certain standards that we're looking for things that generate respect in us towards a man. And so it's the same for you. If a woman isn't sensuous and you don't connect with her in that way, there's no romance. Yeah, that's really incredible. Can I ask you a question? I've never asked, and I would love to hear this. I think the audience would too. When you say you met a woman who lived life with all her senses talk about that. I'd never thought of myself as the most sensuous woman, and I share that. I think I want our audience to hear this because so many women don't feel that way. And yet I know you see me that way.
Benjamin Shield [00:06:06]:
Well, sometimes I see you having the expression as if you just put on a soft cashmere sweater. And there's something very alluring, because if a woman is in her senses, she allows the man into her world and which means also she sees the man and she can mirror back as she expresses her femininity in sensuality. It allows a man to express his masculinity. And it also when a woman is in her sense can I talk about me specifically?
Lisa Shield [00:06:53]:
Like, I want to know if you can tell me. What is it? And I'm really curious.
Benjamin Shield [00:07:00]:
Well, you're very tactile in a very sensuous way. Just when we're together, we'll hold hands at dinner. We'll always hold hands and say grace, a silent prayer. But we're always touching. I mean, 21 years later, we're always touching. It's how we start our day and how we end our day. And it's rare that we walk and we're not holding hands or my arm isn't around you. And so it's both appreciating touch and giving touch. That mutuality. And when you eat, when you're dining, you're enjoying your food. You're not seeing how fast you can eat. That's something I tend to do. It's rare that I ever the only time I ever sit down to eat ever is with you. Or if for some reason I go to a restaurant by myself would stand out if I were standing up. But I get through it and get onto other things. But when I'm with you because you slow things down and you enjoy your food, it helps me to enjoy. And you notice things in nature with vision, like, you'll see, look at that tree or look at that bird. Things that I would miss. So all those things and more, it makes my world bigger and brighter.
Lisa Shield [00:08:46]:
Wow. And we have fun together.
Benjamin Shield [00:08:50]:
That may be the most sensuous thing of all, I think.
Lisa Shield [00:08:53]:
So.
Benjamin Shield [00:08:54]:
Playfulness.
Lisa Shield [00:08:55]:
Well, the level of playfulness we have, really, is how at ease we are with each other. We're just so at ease, and there's that beautiful flow, but you bring out the playfulness in me. You're such a man, and you're so masculine. It allows me to be feminine. All right, so, you know, there let's talk about something. I think the biggest pressure for women of all, and speaking of sensuality, is that we're taught that we have to be classically beautiful to attract a wonderful man. That that's the thing. And if you weren't born, what is genetically gifted? Yeah, genetically gifted. And you struggle with your weight or you're not the most beautiful woman in the room, what is it that really draws a man in? Because I can only be as beautiful as I am.
Benjamin Shield [00:10:17]:
Well, I think one of the major things, if not the major thing, is when a woman is in her body, which means she's experiencing the world with her senses, but she also has a certain confidence of being who. She is finding her natural frequency and resonating with that frequency and not trying to be someone else. And something else other than that natural frequency of putting on too much makeup or too high of heels or something. I've often used the image that if I were at a red light or a stop sign and two women were crossing the street, and one was a classic beauty, and she had a tight dress and quaffed hair and high heels, and she was kind of making it across the street because she was wearing three inch heels. And then there was another woman next to her who was just, you know, just enjoying walking. You could just tell, you know, and she was just her body was moving, and she was wearing clothes that authentically represented her. At first, my eyes would be fixated on the classic beauty, but it's the woman who is in her body that I would follow from corner to corner.
Lisa Shield [00:11:44]:
Yeah. And what's the quality, honey, you had mentioned a quality. There's beauty and there's what?
Benjamin Shield [00:11:52]:
There's grace.
Lisa Shield [00:11:53]:
Yeah.
Benjamin Shield [00:11:53]:
And grace isn't something that you can put on in the morning. It's not something that you could say, okay, now I'm just going to be graceful. It's something that we allow into ourselves on a cellular level. We see it with certain film icons, like Grace Kelly or an Audrey Hepburn, or there may be some more modern film icons, but it goes beyond classic beauty. There's a grace that is just like when we see we've been watching a lot of British TV, and there could be an older British woman who has such grace just in the way she pours the tea, or she lifts a teacup that draws a man in.
Lisa Shield [00:12:53]:
And we were talking about one of your former assistants who was a former fashion model, a quite successful one. And she was a classic beauty. I mean, really a timeless beauty. And it's not that she hid it, but she didn't do anything to exaggerate or accentuate her beauty. She was just beautiful. And I was one day just we went out with your mother for brunch, and I have one photograph of her from the side, and I never even realized how stunningly beautiful she was until I saw that photo and I saw her profile and that neck, and oh, my God, she was like a swan. But she never, ever used, like, played the beauty card. Right. And I was thinking about what it was about her that set her apart from many other beautiful women. And it was grace.
Benjamin Shield [00:14:05]:
Yes.
Lisa Shield [00:14:06]:
She was elegant.
Benjamin Shield [00:14:08]:
Yes. And if one were to have that on a balanced scale of classic beauty, grace and elegance, the grace and elegance would be have far more importance, far more.
Lisa Shield [00:14:22]:
And the great news is that that is something any woman can have. We can all be more graceful. And when I think about some of the women in our program who are with the guardians of their souls, they have grace.
Benjamin Shield [00:14:40]:
Yes.
Lisa Shield [00:14:41]:
They have this beautiful quality of grace.
Benjamin Shield [00:14:45]:
And they're of all shapes and sizes, ethnicities. And they have attracted some extraordinary men who ultimately are seeking that out. Beauty can diminish, but grace and elegance can actually become greater with time.
Lisa Shield [00:15:08]:
Oh, yeah. It doesn't matter how beautiful you are. In fact, so many just stunningly beautiful women do not have great love lives. They suffer. And so that's evidence that beauty is not the thing. It may capture a man's attention, but grace and emotional intelligence and yeah, there's certain other qualities that are going to hold a man's attention. And the truth is, I think so many women need to know that once you start to develop those qualities, you become more beautiful. As we watch our clients actually get more beautiful.
Benjamin Shield [00:15:55]:
Absolutely. It's remarkable. Yeah, it is remarkable. Almost week to week, we see their beauty. It's like a rosebud just starting to bloom.
Lisa Shield [00:16:12]:
Well, and I also sometimes I go on Facebook because I have to, and somebody's photo will catch my attention because all of our former clients, they're Photos of them with their partners and their babies and their new homes. It's all on Facebook. And I am blown away. Kathy, she had been a widow and one of our former clients, and she was there with a beautiful photo of her and her boyfriend, who she met in the course. And I guess she had put something over it, but there was like a pulsating heart, and it was the sweetest thing, and she's just glowing. Glowing. So we see this, we see how our clients come alive, and it's the grace, it's the inner beauty that starts to shine out as they become more sensual, more comfortable in their bodies. Let's talk about a few of the things the women can do. Let's talk about a few of those qualities like that they can start to develop on a date.
Benjamin Shield [00:17:32]:
Yeah. Well, being in your body can be I'm a body worker, and I have been for over well over 40 years. And one of the things that drew me into it because I had gone through dental school, is that after three sessions of body work that I received, I just felt like a jaguar. Even going from the couch to change channels on the TV set or walking down the street, I wanted people to see me. There's a feeling of being in your body that is exhilarating. Wow. On the other side of that, james Joyce once wrote about a man who lived I love the expression just a short distance away from his body, meaning that he was insulated. He was separated from not only the outside world, but it also separates him from other people. If that man were in his senses, then he would be much more translucent right. And opening to receiving other not only other people, but the enjoyment of being on this planet.
Lisa Shield [00:19:08]:
Yeah. And so when a woman is in her body, they're not rushing around, they're not multitasking, they're not asking rapid fire questions on a date, trying to see, is this my guy? Does he have the things I want? Whatever. Think about that energy. That's got to be the biggest turn off for a woman to be going, well, where did you go to school and what did you do, and how many jobs have you had and what was your Sat score?
Benjamin Shield [00:19:41]:
One of the things we work on with many of the women is to slow down. They'll speak quickly. So if we take a quintessential icon or icons like Audrey Hepburn and Marilyn Monroe or Grace Kelly or even Marie Saint, for those of you who haven't seen north by Northwest with even Ray Saint and Cary Grant, that's your homework for this week. But there's a slowness and with that slowness essentiality.
Lisa Shield [00:20:19]:
Well, and you know what it is? It brings you into the now when anybody slows down and isn't erratic and thinking about a million things and know a checklist is not in the now. The now is when two people are connecting and looking at the surroundings.
Benjamin Shield [00:20:44]:
Yeah. If Marilyn Monroe were to have descended a staircase, she'd be thinking about each step and feeling the step and feeling her body move, and every eye in the room would be on her.
Lisa Shield [00:21:00]:
Do you want to know the funniest thing? We want men to pay attention to us, but I think we're afraid to have them do that because we don't think we're pretty enough or good enough. Do you know what I mean? And so we're rushing and we're trying to do all this stuff and whatever, and we're afraid that if we slow down and we're in the moment, that a man won't like us. Do you know what I mean? And so we're just all over the place.
Benjamin Shield [00:21:31]:
Yeah. And I think that it prevents the woman from really experiencing, as you say, the now.
Lisa Shield [00:21:41]:
Yeah.
Benjamin Shield [00:21:41]:
And the now is the enjoyment of oneself and everything around, all the extraordinary sights and sounds. We can't deny all that's going on in the world, but with that, concurrently, is so much beauty. And so it allows us to feel it all. To feel it all.
Lisa Shield [00:22:07]:
Yeah. I mean, with everything going on, I sometimes have to like right now in the world, I sometimes have to just stop and remind myself that right here, right now, in this moment, everything's wonderful. And that's what this is. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. I don't know what's going to happen when we finish this broadcast. But what I know right now is that we're just sitting here together, sharing time and doing what we love. So when a woman's in her senses what did you say.
Benjamin Shield [00:22:55]:
A few minutes before? I said, when a woman is in her senses, it makes a man senseless.
Lisa Shield [00:23:05]:
All right, if you all don't think that's funny, then this is not the podcast for you.
Benjamin Shield [00:23:13]:
You could just imagine a man sitting across from a woman and she's running her finger along the rim of her water glass or wine glass. And when she takes a bite of food, slowly, you could just her eyes close and she's completely experiencing that sense of taste. Or she's just taking a moment to hear the birds or the music in the background of a restaurant, the warmth of a candle.
Lisa Shield [00:23:40]:
Can I play devil's advocate?
Benjamin Shield [00:23:42]:
Please.
Lisa Shield [00:23:43]:
Let's say I went on a date and I'm doing all of these things. I throw away that checklist and I'm like, okay, I'm going to go on this date, and I'm just going to be present and sensual and connect with this man and run my fingers through my hair and really be experiencing all my senses as a woman. In the back of my mind, I don't want to lead you on. How do I know if you're not going to think that me being sensual means that I'm going to sleep with you?
Benjamin Shield [00:24:25]:
Well, there's a difference between deep sensuality and overt sexuality, and that's very different. And when a woman is in her sensuality, a man sees her as being whole and complete. It doesn't mean that she's coming forward with an agenda. Sensuality doesn't have an agenda. Sexuality does, often. So if a man experiences that first, he just admires and it brings out the masculinity in him. And so even if both people know that there's not going to be a second date, her sensuality brings out his masculinity and vice versa. And they both leave the date better people. And they may not remember what was said, but they'll remember how they felt.
Lisa Shield [00:25:25]:
But what if a man like, I'm being sensual and I'm really in my feminine, and you think that means I want to have sex?
Benjamin Shield [00:25:39]:
Well, first we can't control what other people think, but true sensuality is very subtle, where overt sexuality is not subtle at all.
Lisa Shield [00:25:55]:
Okay, good point.
Benjamin Shield [00:26:00]:
True sensuality in many ways is enjoying oneself.
Lisa Shield [00:26:06]:
Yeah. And it's not an act. It's not a put on, it's not a shut.
Benjamin Shield [00:26:10]:
I get an agenda.
Lisa Shield [00:26:12]:
And so it's not going to communicate to a man that you want sex. Some guys are going to try to go for sex because that's just what they have an agenda. But good men, they're going to really just be like, wow, okay.
Benjamin Shield [00:26:27]:
A good man will say, wow, I've never been with a woman like this. I've never felt this way with a woman.
Lisa Shield [00:26:36]:
Yeah. And they're going to really see the genuineness and the authenticity. Amazing. Okay. All right. Did we say enough on that topic?
Benjamin Shield [00:26:49]:
I think we did.
Lisa Shield [00:26:50]:
Okay. Let's go to how a woman dresses, because I think that's very important.
Benjamin Shield [00:26:56]:
Well, I think we all appreciate quief fiore and makeup and hair and heels, but we appreciate it on the COVID of a magazine. There's a lack of accessibility when it feels like someone is wearing a costume.
Lisa Shield [00:27:22]:
Well, and it feels like a piece of art. Right?
Benjamin Shield [00:27:24]:
Yeah.
Lisa Shield [00:27:25]:
It just feels like you look at a magazine cover and you're like, oh, objectively, she's beautiful, that's attractive. Okay.
Benjamin Shield [00:27:32]:
Yeah. But they're non approachable.
Lisa Shield [00:27:35]:
Yeah. You don't look at that and go, oh, my God, I want to take her on a date. She looks like a good date.
Benjamin Shield [00:27:41]:
Yeah. But if someone is just wearing what they're comfortable in, not dressing down by any means, but wearing what reflects them, what's on the inside, shows on the outside. So there's not that separation. That dichotomy. I'm like this on the inside, but I'm going to dress like this to impress someone.
Lisa Shield [00:28:04]:
And you feel that?
Benjamin Shield [00:28:06]:
Oh, absolutely.
Lisa Shield [00:28:07]:
It's weird being on a date with a woman who's, like, all feminine and whatever, but she's like, talking to you like a businesswoman.
Benjamin Shield [00:28:15]:
Yeah. And it's just non approachable. Wow.
Lisa Shield [00:28:19]:
And there's a lot of women who do that.
Benjamin Shield [00:28:21]:
Yeah. So when a woman is comfortable in her body and how she expresses that in what she wears, there's an approachability. There's like a comfort, and the man could just relax, because when you're talking to a magazine cover, it's really hard to just really relax and playful or.
Lisa Shield [00:28:48]:
Like a Forbes businesswoman. It's not warm, it's not fun. There's not room for that. I think so many women just feel like they're doing all the feminine things. They're wearing the feminine clothes, they put on makeup. Do you know what I mean? They put all this effort into looking feminine. But somebody I was talking to, I can't remember who it was, and she said, my grandma kept telling me I need to go to finishing school, that I'm so masculine. That was her grandmother talking. But I think that that's so funny because, honest to God, I don't think women realize sometimes how masculine we are. I'm not blaming I'm not trying to stigmatize any women, but we can be very masculine.
Benjamin Shield [00:29:59]:
And masculine almost is synonymous with not being in experiencing the world with our senses. Men are very myopic very driven. We've been hunters, we've been providers. Our worlds can be very narrow.
Lisa Shield [00:30:19]:
But some women actually turn into hunters.
Benjamin Shield [00:30:21]:
Yeah, they do.
Lisa Shield [00:30:23]:
It's like, we go to work, we're doing we're busy, we're getting things done, just like men. And then when it comes to finding love, we turn into, okay, now I'm going to hunt my man. I'm going to get this done. I'm going to screen him, cross examine.
Benjamin Shield [00:30:38]:
Cross it off my list, my to do list.
Lisa Shield [00:30:42]:
Yeah. And it really isn't feminine. And so women can look, we can play the part, right, but we have to be the part.
Benjamin Shield [00:30:57]:
All right, well, there's another thing that women can do that will just make the most memorable date, whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner, coffee or an elegant meal. We call it bell jarring. And the expression came to me when I was doing my first book and interviewing a gentleman who wrote the book The Anatomy of an Illness. And I met him in his office at UCLA, and he was in the back the back office, and in the waiting room were two secretaries. And the phones were ringing. There were papers on the just it looked like a snow globe that someone just shook. And all these papers were flying around. And I'm thinking, how on Earth am I ever going to have a good interview with this gentleman? Well, when it was time, they ushered me back. And from the moment I stepped in, it was as if nothing existed except the two of us. It was as if a bell jar were over the two of us. And no matter what was happening around us, there was this bell jar, and it was only the two of us. And truly, I don't remember. I'm glad I recorded it because I wouldn't have remembered what was said. But to this day, which is 30 years later, more for that first book that I absolutely remember how I felt.
Lisa Shield [00:32:37]:
This is a sidebar, but you are such a heartfelt storyteller. That was beautiful. Thank you. Beautiful. I want to share on our first date, and we share pieces of this from time to time. So for anybody who feels we're being repetitive, we are. When you came in, it was a somewhat similar situation in that you had a lot of chaos going on before you got to the date. You got lost. You were exasperated.
Benjamin Shield [00:33:19]:
I kept losing cell reception back then, over 20 years ago, it wasn't good.
Lisa Shield [00:33:24]:
And I was sitting there waiting for you. We met on an Internet dating site, and this was our first date. And when you came in, now that I know you, I have even more insight into what that moment would have felt like for you when you finally got to the date, because you're always on time and you're so respectful of other people. And I know it hurts you to think that you're hurting another person or whatever, but you came into that date and you were in your body. You walked in, you weren't all over the place and all. You still walked in slowly. You took a moment, you said, It is so nice to meet you, looked right into my eyes, and then you sat down across from me and bell jarred me for the rest of the date.
Benjamin Shield [00:34:30]:
And here we are 21 years later.
Lisa Shield [00:34:35]:
But it was really an incredible experience. And here's the deal. Most people do not know what it's like to have somebody give you their full presence, right? To be fully present.
Benjamin Shield [00:34:56]:
How often has that happened?
Lisa Shield [00:34:58]:
Well, for me, going on 21 years now, because you are the art of presence. And it was uncanny because I had never experienced anything like that before. And I knew something was going on. I mean, it wasn't like it was lost on me. I felt it. I was present to it. And so this is what we teach our clients how to do.
Benjamin Shield [00:35:31]:
And it's not like one is just staring at the other person or meaning in and it's as if nothing else exists.
Lisa Shield [00:35:41]:
Everything fades away except yeah, it's just that real connection. And then what's so cool about it when you experience it, is like it's almost like flying a kite or something, because the wind, the experience is taking you in that moment. But when you're really connected and you're not distracted, you're just in that moment. Like going like two butterflies. Right? That's what it feels like.
Benjamin Shield [00:36:17]:
Yeah. With no agenda.
Lisa Shield [00:36:20]:
No, it feels like two butterflies just flying around and seeing where you're going to go next.
Benjamin Shield [00:36:26]:
One butterfly has me ask the other, where did you go to?
Lisa Shield [00:36:36]:
Oh, my God, you are good today. All right, so let's talk, baby, about getting emotionally naked. This is the name of it's so funny, just for a little entry point into this. When I came up with the name emotionally naked dating for my work, it wasn't something that I sat and went and really thought about. It was something that came to me very intuitively. And I just stayed with that idea and it's become the whole foundation of the work I do. And somehow, intuitively, I knew that an emotionally naked connection was the single most important thing two partners can have.
Benjamin Shield [00:37:35]:
And when one person becomes vulnerable and we're not talking about just spilling out the deepest, darkest secrets that may come out later as two people get to know each other and there's trust and safety, but beginning to show some vulnerability, which begins to open up a space for the other person to share that safe place. And then they see how it's received and responded to, and then there's a little more. And the vulnerability and the trust and safety and the emotional nakedness keeps growing.
Lisa Shield [00:38:18]:
Yeah. Little by little, you have to first test the waters and make sure, is this person safe? Can I share a little more and a little more and a little more? Will he or she hold my heart? Do they have my best interest at heart? Are they kind and compassionate in the way they receive what I'm saying and give me feedback? So you really want to test that first by opening up little by little. And then once you really know that's when you dive into the deep end, so many people rush into relationships and just dive blindly into the deep end and they drown. But if you do this the way we teach it and get emotionally naked, it's beautiful. And why is that sensuous why is that talk about the sensual part of being emotionally naked with someone?
Benjamin Shield [00:39:30]:
Well, when we think about being in love and we think about the connection with other people, there's a vulnerability, which means that walls come down, separations come down, and people can be themselves. They're comfortable being themselves fully, and they know that they're accepted for who they are. And it also creates that merging of people. And there's something magical about when two people are vulnerable. That's almost the same as falling in love.
Lisa Shield [00:40:07]:
Wow.
Benjamin Shield [00:40:08]:
It would be a precursor to true love as opposed to that emotional chemistry that people are looking for fireworks. There's often almost no emotional vulnerability. There may be stories being told to impress and all, and it creates that excitement, but those things don't last. But the gentle unfolding of vulnerability is a precursor of falling in love with true love.
Lisa Shield [00:40:41]:
Well, and true love is absolute emotional nakedness. I mean, not hiding anything from each other or feeling that there's anything to hide. That's just so beautiful. And it's where I don't know how many people actually get to this level of emotional nakedness. I think it's what everybody wants. But you have to first find the right partner to do this with. I don't know. It really is crazy. But this is the secret. There's a client of ours and this is so sweet. She's really been working hard in the Mastermind to find her partner, and she has. And she was saying to me, she said, Lisa, she had always equated love and romance and everything with hot sex, being sexual and whatever, throwing each other up against the wall. And she is an extremely sexual, passionate woman. I admire that about her. But she said, we were lying on the sofa and we had the most emotionally naked, intimate experience and it wasn't sexual at all. And she was so blown away by that experience.
Benjamin Shield [00:42:28]:
Yeah.
Lisa Shield [00:42:32]:
But that's real love. That's love. That when two people get to that place that she experienced with this guy, she said, I never knew that. This is what you've been talking about. Yeah. So this is one of your faves.
Benjamin Shield [00:42:53]:
Well, sensuality is it's being not only open to yourself and your own senses, but being aware of the other person as well. It opens you up to what they need and what a man needs most. Or two of the things that men need most respect is such an important thing for men. I think in some ways, men may need respect even more than they need love. That it's hardwired in the masculine nature. And for a woman to mirror to him, that she respects him, that she may respect what a good father he is or how he handles things at work, or how he shows up for other people, all of those things, it just makes his world. And the other thing is mirroring a man's masculinity back to him.
Lisa Shield [00:44:05]:
But it lets a man know that she respects the ways in which he's being a man.
Benjamin Shield [00:44:13]:
Yes.
Lisa Shield [00:44:14]:
Which is really important. It's like when I compliment you and I say things to you. It's like I tell you all the time, I admire the ways in which you're being a man for me. And I know you feel that respect from me, that I respect who you are as a man. And if a man doesn't feel a.
Benjamin Shield [00:44:42]:
Woman respects him, oh, that's the death kneel. That is the death kneel. That is the beginning of the end of what should be the end.
Lisa Shield [00:44:53]:
And the truth is, some men are not doing a good job. Some men don't have their lives together. They don't. But it's just the most painful thing. Even if they don't have their lives together, to have somebody, a woman in particular, disrespect them. Not that it's okay if you don't respect a man that you're with, you shouldn't be with them.
Benjamin Shield [00:45:25]:
And one magical thing that men can feel is having their masculinity mirrored back to them. And what that means, it could just mean through respect, it could mean just touching their bicep or noticing and saying, are you flexing right now? Is that how you always look? Or letting a man be a man and letting them open the door for you and all that and say, wow, you are such a gentleman. It is so rare to see a man like you, such a masculine man.
Lisa Shield [00:46:06]:
You know what's so funny? Men really do want to hear these things.
Benjamin Shield [00:46:11]:
Oh, yes.
Lisa Shield [00:46:11]:
And so many women think they don't like they don't think a man needs to hear those things, or that it's stupid that a man would want to hear those things. But men have just as many ideas about us where they're like, God, I have to call her again for the 500th time, or text her morning and night.
Benjamin Shield [00:46:33]:
We long for it I mean, that's why we get the car and the shirts that we get to impress women. Yeah, to impress women, but to impress women, to get the feedback from women. So it's both to impress a woman, but to impress a woman so she will reflect back to him that, yes, he is a man, that he is worthy of respect.
Lisa Shield [00:46:55]:
Like today, you've been wearing a lot of sweats and polo shirts, which is not your normal way you dress. But I told you that I've never seen a man class up. It made my morning, and I really genuinely mean that. I was like, I'm a little awestrick and at how elegant you can but, yeah, I really do genuinely feel those things with you. And you feel that from me. And it is the foundation of this masculine, feminine dynamic. I know you tell me all the time how beautiful I look sometimes. I was laying on the sofa the other night, I was exhausted, and you looked at me and you were like, you look beautiful.
Benjamin Shield [00:47:59]:
And I meant it.
Lisa Shield [00:48:00]:
You wouldn't have said it if you hadn't mentioned, but it was one of those moments where you feel you look your least beautiful. And it was so sweet to hear. Yeah. So mirroring a man's masculinity is and one thing I did want to share with everybody, because I think it's really important, you're really a great man, but you're very in touch with, conscious about the man that you are, the kind of man you want to be. And I just share this because one of the things, being a man that you do is you take very good care of yourself. You really do take care of yourself physically. And you love when I compliment your body.
Benjamin Shield [00:48:57]:
Oh, yeah, I do it for me, and I also do it for you.
Lisa Shield [00:49:02]:
But I think it's important for women not to belittle that, oh, wow, look at what strong biceps you have, or wow, your body. You're so strong. You do that and you love knowing that. I appreciate it. So that's mirroring your masculinity back to you. But all men want that. We have a friend who her boyfriend was talking about how funny he is, and she said, oh, I don't find you funny.
Benjamin Shield [00:49:39]:
Yeah.
Lisa Shield [00:49:43]:
That would not be mirroring his masculinity back to him.
Benjamin Shield [00:49:46]:
No, it would be disrespecting as well and emasculating. Yeah.
Lisa Shield [00:49:52]:
All right. So playfulness, gentleness and gracefulness. Playfulness, gracefulness and touch.
Benjamin Shield [00:50:00]:
Well, on a date, it's almost like a preview coming attractions of what the next 40 years are going to look like, or 20 years. And so if there's playfulness on a date and there's humor and there's smiling, and when there's playfulness, there's openness, there's no agenda. And so coming into a date with the idea of having fun.
Lisa Shield [00:50:37]:
I never leave.
Benjamin Shield [00:50:43]:
So playfulness. There's a sensuality in playfulness because there's often just lightness of being and an occasional touch, which is nonthreatening, because it's in play. And it's so important because if someone comes in and there's no playfulness, a man can extrapolate, well, what's that going to be like three years from now and 30 years from now? What we all want is a relationship that's fun, that's so many things. But fun is a major element, a necessary element. And so if man can feel that on a date, then he says, wow, this is someone I'm interested in, because there aren't a lot of people that are playful on a date.
Lisa Shield [00:51:49]:
Well, I think everybody wants playfulness, but women really enjoy I think we do enjoy some intensity, and we can be that way. We really like intensity and having deep conversations or probing. Do you know what I mean? And some women like that too much and it's too heavy for a lot of men. A lot of men, most men, they don't want to sit around and process and overthink things or whatever. They get a lot of intensity in their work. And so when they come home to a woman, they don't want more intensity. They want to play and have fun and be masculine and feminine and play with those energies.
Benjamin Shield [00:52:46]:
Yeah. And it doesn't mean that we don't have to have intense conversations, but it's like an artist palette. We choose the colors we want to use at any given time. And ideally, we choose the playful colors often, but there's still all the other colors on there. The intensities, the deep discussions, the important conversations, all of that's on the palette. But we want to use the playful colors the most.
Lisa Shield [00:53:17]:
Oh, I love that. I love know. I'm just thinking about how this is a silly thing, but Santa Fe is very brown.
Benjamin Shield [00:53:30]:
Everything buildings, hills to live in santa Fe means you like brown.
Lisa Shield [00:53:38]:
Yeah, mud huts, as somebody once said. But we created this garden outside in our courtyard that is so magical and so colorful and filled with flowers and colors and birds. So we painted with the playful colors. The brown is there, but we brought the playful colors.
Benjamin Shield [00:54:09]:
And babe, what's the last you know on a date? We want to give an unforgettable goodbye. So when your date is coming to an end, make sure it's unforgettable. Exchanging a lingering gaze giving a warm hug promising to meet again for another rendezvous view on our first date. And this wasn't anything that was fabricated. But we had such a wonderful evening that I walked you to your car and I just put my cheek against your cheek and just held you. And I said, can we do this again? I'd love to see you again. And we remember that 21 years later.
Lisa Shield [00:55:05]:
That was one of the most amazing moments of my life. Honestly, it is one of the most profound moments of my life was when this beautiful man that I'd been sitting across from for an hour and a half or whatever closed his eyes and actually just put his cheek up next to my cheek. And I thought, who does that?
Benjamin Shield [00:55:38]:
And it meant more. And there wasn't fabricate, it wasn't prethought, but then a perfunctory kiss.
Lisa Shield [00:55:46]:
Oh, my God. It was so genuine. And I felt it. I felt it. It was so genuine. We had a friend who was really he was quite a guy, and he would say all these wonderful things to me and whatever, and I would say to him, I bet you say that to all the women. And he would look at me and say, well, what if I do? So what if I do? But I don't think you closed your eyes and put your cheek up next to very many women's cheeks on the end of a person.
Benjamin Shield [00:56:24]:
Just one.
Lisa Shield [00:56:26]:
I felt it. And it was a magical moment. A magical and so genuine. All right, everybody. Well, we want to thank you so much for letting us share with you and listening in.
Benjamin Shield [00:56:44]:
Exactly.
Lisa Shield [00:56:48]:
Thanks for listening in. And we look forward to seeing you again next time. This has been getting inside the right male mind. And I'm Lisa Shield.
Benjamin Shield [00:56:59]:
And I'm Benjamin Shield.
Lisa Shield [00:57:01]:
I do a 45 minutes presentation. It is free. Please go to my website. Lisashield.com. Click the button. If you like what you hear. You can stay to the end, book a call with a member of my team, and we will talk to you about how you can find the guardian of your soul. You can also go to any place you find your podcast. You can subscribe to this. I do two episodes. One is called finding the guardian of your soul. This is called getting inside the right male mind. But the tricky thing is, you will find them under Finding the Guardian of Your Soul. Both episodes. Please send us your requests for future topics to podcast@lisashield.com. Also, please rate and like our podcast, let us know what you think. If you love us, let us know. If you don't love us, let us know. We really want to hear honest feedback. Get emotionally naked with us so we can help you. And finally, tell everyone you know. Tell your mothers and sisters and brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, your girlfriends, your guy friends, your colleagues. Please tell them about this broadcast. We're saying what we say in a way no one else says it.
Benjamin Shield [00:58:27]:
And if you have any ideas, we said that.
Lisa Shield [00:58:32]:
Thank you.
Benjamin Shield [00:58:33]:
Perfect.
Lisa Shield [00:58:35]:
Thank you, honey. All right, well, we will see you next time. Lots of love and please come back.
Benjamin Shield [00:58:41]:
We look forward to it. Bye.