Welcome back to "Finding the Guardian of Your Soul." Today, we delve into a conversation about the evolution of love and commitment. This episode features a candid discussion with previous client Caroline, who met her partner Matt while navigating the complexities of modern dating. In spite of the sometimes superficial and chaotic nature of the apps, together they uncovered a deeper, more intentional connection. Their story is a testament to the power of vulnerability and shared values, beginning with a serendipitous match on Tinder and evolving into thoughtful considerations of a future together. Together, they illustrate that the pursuit of love isn't about fleeting moments but about building a foundation for lasting partnership. In this episode, we ponder the meaning of finding someone with whom our souls can truly connect. If you, too, are seeking to navigate the waters of love with clarity and purpose, listen as Caroline and Matt generously share their insights into the deliberate choices that lead to true companionship and joy. Continue On Your Journey: Lisa Shield | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Book a Call With Lisa Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com
What You'll Hear In This Episode:
- Caroline's past concern for approval and fear of abandonment
- Her decision to take a dating course to improve her approach to relationships
- Matt’s frustration with the non-committal nature of dating apps
- Valuing communication and shared values in relationships
- The two meeting through Tinder and developing a strong connection
- Matt's appreciation for Caroline's directness and clarity
- Caroline and Matt's decision to consider premarital counseling
- Caroline's focus on career and personal growth before seeking a partner
- Both guests highlighting communication as a key element in their relationship
- How Lisa’s course facilitated their mutual understanding
- The importance of making lifelong connections and identifying relationship needs
- Learning to be emotionally vulnerable and its impact on relationships
Key quotes:
"I realized that I needed some help, some different type of help that I wasn't getting anywhere else in the dating world." — Caroline
"I would have rather been liked for something I wasn't than disliked for something I was. I was just more concerned with the approval." — Caroline
“So it took just enough heartbreaks for me, honestly, to realize that, yes, I was doing like reading books on dating and love and how to improve myself, and I was going to therapy on and off, but it still was not producing anything different. I wasn't doing enough differently, so I had to do something." — Caroline
"But the older I've gotten, I've learned a lot through [past] relationships of really what I want and being able to communicate with somebody on a totally different level. [...] It's really refreshing, I guess you could say, to find somebody that you can really just talk to and not really be judged or anything like that." — Matt
"I wouldn't have met Matt if I waited, because there was just a type of guy I was going for. I had this image of what I wanted him to look like, what kind of work I wanted him to do, where I wanted him to live. I had this whole image of what I thought I wanted. And after taking your course, I was like, dude…What are the five qualities I need, absolutely need, in somebody that I could not live without? And those five qualities are beyond a job title. They are beyond what city a person lives in. They're beyond somebody's height." — Caroline
"We have values that we share together as far as being truthful and speaking our mind with each other. We're very direct with each other…sometimes one of us might have our feelings hurt for a little bit when we are direct that way, but I think it's for the best because if you don't have these tough conversations, then you're going to be at this level but never achieve something greater." — Matt
“The lifelong friendships and connections I've made in your program, like the quality of the other women, the quality of you, Lisa–I have a lifetime connection with all of you. I'd say that's one thing that you do…Just having such good quality people I respect and I admire and I look up to and I learn from in my corner." — Caroline
"We talked about some of our core values that we had as far as what we want in a partner and just the communication that we were able to have just in such a short period of time…" — Matt [00:17:25 → 00:17:39]
“She invested in herself to want something better in her life and to know exactly what she wants. And I very much respect it that she said, hey, look, this is a problem in my life…Let me figure this out. I'll do a program, and really figure it out and of what I really want." — Matt
Continue On Your Journey:
Lisa Shield | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Book a Call With Lisa
Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com
Lisa Shield [00:00:02]:
Hello, everybody, and welcome to getting inside the right male mind. I'm Lisa shield.
Benjamin Shield [00:00:09]:
And I'm Benjamin Shield, and we are.
Lisa Shield [00:00:11]:
So excited to have two very, very special guests today, caroline and Matt. And they are, well, not they, but Caroline was one of the graduates of our twelve week emotionally naked dating program and she has found the most wonderful guy. I happened to be just making one of my rare appearances these days on Facebook and I was scrolling around and there were photos of them on vacation. Where were you?
Caroline [00:00:48]:
We went to Hawai.
Lisa Shield [00:00:50]:
Oahu, nice. Absolutely. And I was like, oh my God, wait a minute, how did I not know? And I reached out to Caroline and she wrote back and said, yes, I have met the most wonderful man. So Matt, we're going to get into this in a moment. Caroline, can you tell everybody just a little bit about you so that they can have a sense of who you are?
Caroline [00:01:18]:
Yeah. So I took your course about three years ago in 2020. I was about 30 at the time. I'm 33 now. I grew up in California, northern California, primarily the San Francisco Bay area. And I lived a little bit. I spent some time living out in the Valley as well, but basically born and raised in Northern California. At the time that I took your i, let's see, I just was finishing graduate.
Caroline [00:01:59]:
I was I studied industrial organizational psychology and finished my master's degree that year. So around the same time I finished my master's degree, I signed up for your class. And prior to signing up for your class, I had ended a six month relationship not too long after I joined your program. And that was an eye opening experience for me where I realized that I needed some help, some different type of help that I wasn't getting anywhere else in the dating world. So I came across you on Facebook and also a friend that had heard amazing things about your program and made that first call with you and joined your program shortly after that.
Lisa Shield [00:02:56]:
Wow. And thank you for that. Matt, can you just share a little bit about you and what you do and where you guys live? Where are you located?
Matt [00:03:06]:
Okay, so I actually live in Oakley, California. Like North Bay or Northern California? I've actually grew up in this same city that I live in. I ended up purchasing a house here. I'm 33.
Caroline [00:03:24]:
You're 34?
Matt [00:03:24]:
Sorry. 34. I just turned 34. I do that all the time at my age.
Lisa Shield [00:03:30]:
You guys are too young to be losing your memory.
Matt [00:03:35]:
Oh my God. I am actually a union electrician. I primarily work in South San Francisco san Jose area. I've been doing that for nine years now. So yeah, I'm pretty locked into that and still exploring options and trying to educate myself to continue growing in my career.
Lisa Shield [00:03:56]:
That's great. And that's a wonderful career. I know, it can be a really great thing and definitely handy to have around.
Matt [00:04:09]:
It's got its yeah.
Lisa Shield [00:04:11]:
Well, let's talk a little bit about what your experience was like dating before you took the course.
Caroline [00:04:21]:
Caroline yeah, so, like I mentioned, I had ended a short term six month relationship, and I was using the dating apps, just different dating apps, all the dating apps, bumble, Tinder, all of them, match all the dating apps. And I was just meeting guys that when they were met, everything I thought that I was looking for, like, those criteria I had that I was looking for in a guy at the time, it still wasn't getting me the type of relationship that I wanted. And so it was quite a bit of heartbreak in my twenty S and a few heartbreaks in my twenty S, and then even into my 30s before joining your class. And then since I took your class, I have had no more heartbreaks. Thank God.
Lisa Shield [00:05:32]:
That's amazing.
Benjamin Shield [00:05:34]:
Carolyn, how does this course stand out or differ from other dating advice or strategies that you've had in the past?
Caroline [00:05:44]:
Yeah, I'd say one big difference is the support group that you provide, the support system. So it's myself and other women who are on the same journey, and it's about connecting with each other and sharing our heartbreaks and our experiences with each other and really trusting each other. I've put so much trust in the other women in your course, and they put it in me. We talk very vulnerably with each other about things we could never talk about with other people in our lives. And so the structure of your course and just the whole layout really provides a good container, a safe container for us to heal and explore and grow. And I think a lot of even therapy, like individual therapy or support groups or other things that are out there, don't have the same model and structure and what you all provide in En.
Lisa Shield [00:06:49]:
Well, and you had done some therapy, am I correct, before you joined the course?
Caroline [00:06:56]:
Yes. You had therapy. Yeah.
Lisa Shield [00:07:00]:
What would be the difference if you were going to compare, like, for people who think, well, I'm going to a therapist, and this should really shouldn't I be able to get this solved? I'm looking at my past. What was different?
Caroline [00:07:17]:
I'd say, well, in therapy, it's not a class. First of all, it's like sessions, and sometimes I can leave a session and not really know what to do between one week and the next week. So there's a lot of space in between where I'm maybe like, in my thoughts and I don't have interaction with my therapist. And so time in between sessions, there's not any structure. Whereas your twelve week program, every day there's something to do, there's something I can be reading, there's somebody I can reach out to, even multiple times within a day. And the therapy session doesn't provide that it doesn't provide the tools, really. It's just like I go in and I do some processing and then I leave the session and then I wait for the next session to do more processing. But there's no hands on practical guidelines to follow that I can take into my everyday life.
Caroline [00:08:19]:
So it's very different than therapy.
Lisa Shield [00:08:22]:
Yeah. And Matt, what was dating like for you when you were out there as a guy? Because women, we have all of our complaints and I always find it really funny for women to hear how it's not so easy for guys either.
Benjamin Shield [00:08:41]:
No.
Matt [00:08:41]:
Yeah. No. In my twenty s, I dated around and really didn't know what I really wanted, I guess was the biggest thing. I was trying to find something that maybe would just work or just fit. But the older I've gotten and a couple of failed relationships, I've learned a lot through those relationships of really what I want and being able to communicate with somebody on a totally different level. I've never done therapy before or anything like that, but I feel like with Caroline, she's actually able to talk with me with things and we're able to communicate on a completely different level that honestly, I already thought was even imaginable. It's really refreshing, I guess you could say, to find somebody that you can really just talk to and not really be judged or anything like that. We've talked through so much things all the time.
Matt [00:09:39]:
It's really nice, honestly. But yeah, the dating world was kind of cutthroat, I guess you could say, especially the older I've gotten once I've gotten into my 30s, I'm 34, so I'm really starting to think like, what I really want in my life for my future, and I have a totally different perspective of it now than what I had before.
Lisa Shield [00:10:05]:
And what do you want for your future?
Matt [00:10:10]:
I'm sorry, go ahead.
Lisa Shield [00:10:11]:
No, you said you have a whole different talk about when you were in your 20s, Matt, and now that you're in your 30s, what changed and what do you want?
Matt [00:10:23]:
So I would say in my twenty s, I more was just looking for the quick fix or the quick hit. Right. As far as it didn't really matter if I had an emotional connection with somebody, I'm saying it's probably more physical when I was in my twenty s and that was kind of what I was geared towards, more of that. And then after having a couple of failed relationships and I've kind of learned what went wrong and what wasn't right in those relationships. And the biggest thing for me was communication. We never really talked about what we actually wanted in our future together. It was more of just like surface things. We never went into deep with anything.
Matt [00:11:09]:
And now that I'm at this age, I feel like I'm not at a crossroad because I'm still young. But I do want to settle down with somebody I want to see a future with somebody, like a long term future, not just this short term or just this quick values we have values that we share together as far as being truthful and speaking our mind with each other. We're very direct with each other. We are very direct of what we say. And sometimes one of us might have our feelings hurt for a little bit when we are direct that way, but I think it's for the best because if you don't have these tough conversations, then you're going to be at this level but never achieve something greater, I feel like.
Lisa Shield [00:12:04]:
And Caroline, how did ENT help you be able to be so authentic and speak your mind? Because my guess is in past relationships, you probably didn't do that either.
Caroline [00:12:20]:
Yeah, definitely. In past relationships, I was more concerned about turning the guy off, like, not saying something, because if I say it, it'll scare him away. So I was more concerned about being, I guess, left, like, abandoned or not. I would have rather been liked for something I wasn't than disliked for something I was. I was just more concerned with the approval. And then as I got older and then when I took your class, you introduced this whole thing about being emotionally naked, about how to before you get physically naked with a guy, how can I be emotionally naked and talk about things and be vulnerable.
Lisa Shield [00:13:12]:
But do it.
Caroline [00:13:13]:
In a feminine, graceful way with skill? So I learned that just that concept, it never even crossed my mind to put one before the other, to be honest. So I was like, oh, okay, well, that's common sense, but sometimes common sense. I was so stuck in a pattern of doing things a certain way, and your class really slowed me down. And I had to reevaluate my approach of how I was dating and my tactics for trying to attract a guy and just be more authentic by being more vulnerable. So your course really made that crystal clear, and it showed me how to do it.
Benjamin Shield [00:14:08]:
And how did the two of you meet?
Matt [00:14:11]:
Matt, do you want to yeah, we actually met on Tinder so the dating app and yeah, we kind of matched and I messaged her and she messaged me up. We actually met up very quick because I feel like a lot of times on those dating apps, you can just spin around for weeks at a time and nothing even comes with it, which I've found a lot on dating apps. So we decided, hey, let's meet up. We went and got dinner for the first date. I don't remember what restaurant we went to, but we had a nervous yeah, we had a great first date. Like, we literally hit it off instantly. Everything was just so easy and just talking was so easy. And after the first date, we were like, let's do this again.
Matt [00:15:03]:
We both wanted it, and we just continued seeing each other and making time for each other, and it's been really good ever since.
Benjamin Shield [00:15:12]:
Matt I wanted to go a little deeper into something you just said. What was your dating experience like on the apps before you and Carolyn met?
Matt [00:15:22]:
So I was on a couple different dating apps. I did the Tinder like, OkCupid, I think there was another one. I can't remember the name of it.
Lisa Shield [00:15:36]:
Bumble Hinge.
Matt [00:15:38]:
It was not match. What was the one? Oh, my God, I'm drawing a blank one.
Caroline [00:15:50]:
Plenty of fish.
Lisa Shield [00:15:51]:
Plenty of fish. I was just going to say that.
Matt [00:15:53]:
So I primarily stuck to those three. And literally most of the time on those apps, I feel like you just get a run around. I don't know if people really aren't serious, is maybe what it is, but I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I want to be serious with somebody and I really want to find that connection with somebody. And most of the time with these apps, I would maybe go on one date or I guess the term of the call you get ghosted or you ghost them is where you just completely just stop talking, where you go on one date, you thought it was good, and then they never hit you back up. And I found that a lot to happen on these dating apps, and it kind of deflates you in a way. But I just felt like I had to continue moving forward, and I'm just going to keep trying it. I'm going to be me as much as I can. And if that's not what you're interested in, then I guess I'll find somebody else that is.
Matt [00:16:55]:
I feel like there is somebody out there that we both can truly enjoy each other and enjoy our presence with.
Benjamin Shield [00:17:00]:
Each other and all these experiences.
Matt [00:17:04]:
What was so different about Carolyn so with man, instantly? When I first met Caroline, she was very direct, very direct, and I like that because I feel like I'm like a direct person when it comes to stuff like that. We talked about some of our core values that we had as far as what we want in a partner and just the communication that we were able just in such a short period of time, of not even we were strangers at the time. And it just felt so easy with her as far as getting on this different level of talking about certain subjects that honestly, I've never even talked with a partner before that I've been in a relationship with. And she's very funny, so we both get each other's humor, I guess sometimes. We have a weird sense of humor sometimes, but we both understand it and we both really just enjoyed each other's presence. We both just love to talk with each other. And she's beautiful. So that definitely is just like the icing on the cake for me.
Benjamin Shield [00:18:17]:
Wow.
Lisa Shield [00:18:18]:
It's interesting. I did an interview yesterday, or the day before, I think, and he said the same thing, that he loved how direct she ever there were no games. There was such clarity, and he really appreciated that. Do you find that women play a lot of mind games, Matt?
Matt [00:18:46]:
I should say it goes both ways. It's totally true. But yeah, I have experienced, yes, that women can play mind games. And I don't know if it's just that they don't want to commit or scared to commit, but literally after a few dates, we both were like, hey, this is what we both want, or this is what I want. I'm looking to date somebody. I want to be exclusive with. You, I guess, is the best thing to say, because a lot of times today you don't know. A lot of people like to date around while dating.
Matt [00:19:23]:
I've noticed that a lot. And I don't like that. If I'm focusing my time and energy on somebody, I want to be exclusive with that person and I want to get their full attention and I want to give my full attention to them.
Lisa Shield [00:19:36]:
Wow. So I'm curious. It's tough, from what I hear, for guys. Women, I think, don't realize, Matt, how tough it is for men on the sites. They think that men are just hitting up all these women and getting laid and going out with a different woman every night. And I think it's not like maybe for a very small percentage of men, but I think for most guys it's not like that at all. I've actually talked to men who have said, I barely get responses. Can you speak to that a bit, what that was like for you? I mean, you're a very handsome guy and I would hope that you had a fairly good amount of people responding, but I don't hear very good things from a lot of the guys.
Matt [00:20:39]:
I went on my fair share of dates on these sites, but it definitely can go through like a period where nobody will message you back or like I said, you're messaging for maybe a week. I've had some where we're messaging back and forth for almost a month and never meet up. Like, nothing ever aligns to where we can meet up or they have an excuse or I have an excuse, or just whatever it was. It definitely is deflating when you're doing that. Do I want to continue even being on this app? But yeah, I've been on dates, but for the most part, I would say it's not where, yeah, you're not getting laid every night out there. And women typically aren't just messaging you back instantly, because how I've viewed it is most of the time, it's the man that is messaging the women most of the time. And their inbox is probably insanely full of messaging them. So you really have a small window of percentage that they need to see something about you or your profile that really stands out to say, hey, well, this guy is a standout guy.
Matt [00:21:51]:
I want to message him. And I've noticed that that's probably the biggest thing from even women I've been on dates with. They've said the same thing, like, oh, well, I noticed this picture on your profile or this little word that you said about yourself is why I messaged you back. Because they're like, if not, I have hundreds of messages in my inbox. I don't even go through them. And I'm like, wow. It's kind of depressing, really, sometimes, because I feel like I am a good catch out there, and I know what I want, and I feel like I can be good for somebody. But we both need to align on that level.
Benjamin Shield [00:22:31]:
Matt, in fact, both of you, I wanted to ask, was there something special in each of your profiles that stood out?
Caroline [00:22:41]:
One thing that really stood out about your profile, matt was like, he has a picture. You had a picture of yourself with your motorcycle. He has a motorcycle. But he just looks so sweet. Like, he didn't look like, mean or scary. He just looked so kind. And I was like, oh, that's an interesting juxtaposition. Like having a really cool bike, like a bad boy bike, but having a sweet baby face.
Caroline [00:23:13]:
So I liked his pictures. I loved your smile in them and your face. He just looked like a nice person. So for me, his picture stood out.
Lisa Shield [00:23:29]:
And Matt, what stood out about Caroline's profile?
Matt [00:23:33]:
Well, at first it was definitely her mean I feel like that's like the go to first thing you look at is someone's profile picture and same thing. She looked very I guess innocent but she just looked like a genuine person in the picture. Her smile. She has a beautiful smile and that was what caught my eye right at first. Both of our profiles on the tender we really didn't have that much text in our profile so there really wasn't too much there to draw from that. Mostly once we messaged, we messaged a few times so we can really started digging into what questions we really wanted to ask each other. But yeah, at first it was definitely the profile picture of her.
Lisa Shield [00:24:21]:
Wow. And who messaged who first?
Matt [00:24:25]:
I messaged her first and what did you say?
Lisa Shield [00:24:28]:
Do you remember?
Matt [00:24:29]:
Oh, my God. I have no idea what I'm nervous to even remember that. It was probably something really cheesy and some kind of joke or something like that. I'm sure. That's usually my style of trying to break the ice.
Benjamin Shield [00:24:45]:
One of the things I notice about both of you and both of you together is that you laugh a lot. It looks like there's a lot of playfulness, and that's really what people want in a relationship, is to find someone who they can connect with and really spend the rest of their years having fun. It sounds like even on your first date you had fun. Is that right?
Caroline [00:25:13]:
Yeah, we had a pretty just light conversation about hobbies and what we like to do for fun. He told me about his family and his friends and I shared the same we talked about the type of work we did. We had a nice cocktail together, enjoyed a nice meal and it was fun. And a lot of our relationship is we laugh a lot, we joke a lot. We like to go out. Like I'll go hang out with him and his friends and he comes and hangs out with my friends sometimes. So whether we're like hanging out at the pool or going to an event or the fair or something, we're always because we have busy work schedules during the week. So we try to go to events and hang out and do fun things together, watch a funny movie together.
Caroline [00:26:12]:
Yeah, joke around. So we do have a lot of fun.
Benjamin Shield [00:26:17]:
That's great because you both have busy careers. How do you manage to find the time to do these things together?
Matt [00:26:27]:
Yeah, I can take that one. So I think the biggest thing is our schedule. We're busy usually during the day with our schedule. I feel that we really do sacrifice some of our own time to spend time together. And I don't even really want to call it a sacrifice because it's pretty easy just to make the decision. Like, hey, we try to plan a lot of things. We are pretty scheduled, so we do schedule a lot of events or during the week we try to kind of plan our week out so that we can coordinate through our schedules because sometimes my schedule does change. The biggest thing is we communicate about it and we try to make the time for each other because we both want to spend as much time as gather we can.
Matt [00:27:16]:
We both really enjoy being around each other. So it's a pretty easy decision when you just talk about it and kind of just schedule it out and know this is what we got going on, let's make time for this, this or this. So it's very refreshing, honestly, to have someone like that.
Lisa Shield [00:27:33]:
Caroline, you both seem so and I'm very, very curious. We had talked a little bit before the interview a few days ago, last week, and signing up for this course is, first of all, a huge investment of time and money. And you were 30 when you did this, which is really quite young. Many, many women, many people push this kind of thing off and just hope it's going to happen. Talk about making this investment in yourself and in your future. I know you're very much into personal growth. It's something that's a core value for you. So can you speak to the 30 year old, 28, 29, 30 year old women out there who are like, oh, it'll happen when it happens, and I'm so young and blah, blah, blah, what would you say to them?
Caroline [00:28:41]:
Yeah, that's really true, because there was one point in my twenty s that I thought exactly that, especially mid and late twenty s, I had not met my person, and I just said, I have time, and I'm focused on my career or I'm focused on school, I'm hanging out with my friends. And all the while I was living my life, I still was looking for somebody, but I wasn't meeting anybody that I could build a future with. And so it took just enough heartbreaks for me, honestly, to realize that, yes, I was doing like reading books on dating and love and how to improve myself, and I was going to therapy on and off, but it still was not producing anything different. I wasn't doing enough things differently, so I had to do something. I would say your course was a huge decision because I had never done anything like that before, so it kind of was an unknown for me, but I was ready to take the chance on trying something different with the possibility of getting different results. And yeah, looking back at 30, when I was 30 and made that decision, I knew I could pull resources together, like financial resources, to make it happen. It wasn't easy to make happen, but I wanted it so bad. I was 30 and I would like a kid one day, and I want to have a child with the right person.
Caroline [00:30:30]:
I don't want to have a child with somebody I would regret having a child with later. To me, that's very worrisome. And the men I was dating, I couldn't even see having a kid with these guys. So I had to get on a different level and really do some different things so that I can have the life that I want, basically.
Lisa Shield [00:30:57]:
Why do you think you were able to come to that conclusion at such a young age? I mean, that's the thing. So many of the women that we work with, they're in their both know there are so many younger women who just think, oh, well, I'm going to meet my guy, or I'll just keep going out until I find someone. If you had waited, this wouldn't have it really.
Caroline [00:31:35]:
I wouldn't have met Matt if I waited because there was just a type of guy I was going for. I had this image of what I wanted him to look like, what kind of work I wanted him to do, where I wanted him to live. I had this whole image of what I thought I wanted. And after taking your course, I was like, dude. Because we work on the ten, our ten qualities on the wish list, and then our five, our final five. What are the five qualities I need, absolutely need, in somebody that I could not live without? And those five qualities are beyond a job title. They are beyond what city a person lives in. They're beyond somebody's height.
Caroline [00:32:27]:
They're beyond an age. So I dropped all those things, and I was able to open my mind and be like, all right, well, let me give somebody a chance. Let me give somebody who shows interest in me a chance, even though I'm not sure right off the bat they might be somebody different than I thought I would want to date, for example. So it just helped me get really clear on what is really important in.
Lisa Shield [00:32:57]:
A partner and what to look for in a great partner. Not just what you need, but how that man would show up, how he would treat you. And not somebody who was just going to say all the right things to get you into bed or with an agenda, but a man like Matt, who really does show up, I mean, you can hear what a great guy he is. And I think the two of you have decided even to go to premarital counseling. Is that right?
Caroline [00:33:32]:
We're both looking into it.
Lisa Shield [00:33:34]:
What inspired that, may I ask?
Caroline [00:33:39]:
Well, I brought it up, and Matt one of the things I love about Matt is he's open minded. Just because he hasn't tried it doesn't mean he won't try it. And I've never myself done couples counseling, so it's something that I love our connection, and I just want it to strengthen and improve. And I know life gets in the way sometimes, and we have stressful days, and one day we do want to start a family. So all those big things, I just want us to be strong through it, and I don't want to lose the connection we have.
Lisa Shield [00:34:24]:
And I'm guessing that the quality of the relationship that the quality of the partner you found and the quality of the relationship that you have even before the premarital counseling is far and away better than anything you would have ever imagined if you hadn't done this program. Would that be accurate?
Caroline [00:34:49]:
Yes.
Lisa Shield [00:34:50]:
Yeah. So the investment, what would you say to somebody, Caroline, if, you know, a young woman your age just went through a heartbreak, she's devastated. And you said, well, call Lisa and Benjamin Shield. You should really do this program. And she came back and said, oh, my God, I could never invest that kind of money. What would you tell her?
Caroline [00:35:19]:
I would say, think about this heartbreak that you're going through now, and do you want to go through something like that again? Because if you don't do something different, something you've never tried before, it will probably happen again. And it did for me. I went through a couple of heartbreaks before I met you, and so what cost more? Spending money and time on yourself and trying to figure this out, which is only a positive thing. There's no harm. It's completely like growth, and it's only an improvement. Or just not sign. Up, continue to go out there in the world and likely get heartbroken again and have more negative encounters and less.
Lisa Shield [00:36:17]:
Time, waste time, like crucial years. You're 33. So if the two of you were to get married, right, within a year or two, you're looking at being 35, 34, 35. And then you look at wanting to have maybe one or two children, right? And those years go by so quickly. Like, you're looking at being 37, 38 if you have a couple of kids, right? And when I really do the math, I was about to turn 40 and I thought, oh, my God, people. The average life expectancy is around 76, right? That's the average. And I was thinking, I've spent almost half of my life on this planet. I'm very realistic.
Lisa Shield [00:37:23]:
Hopefully I'll live longer, but how long do we even get to be healthy and vibrant and active? And then I thought, I'm already maybe at the halfway point, do I really want to spend more years winging it? These are my best years, right? These are our best years where we're healthy. We have our whole lives in front of us. We have the ability to consciously create our life and here we are winging it and thinking, oh, I'm going to leave this to chance. And, yes, you took a little bit of money and you put it like if you had gone to Vegas and you had just said, okay, I'm all know you made the safest gamble you could ever made in your entire life. Because look at.
Caroline [00:38:25]:
Exactly Lisa like, it's it's money that's going into me and my dreams, my future, the quality of life I want. And as a woman, especially as a woman in my I was 30 and now I'm 33. The older I get, the more I'm like, my time is so valuable. I see it goes by faster. Life is going by faster every day, I feel like. And it goes by fast too, because I'm a busy person also. But it's like exactly what you're saying. This is the healthiest I'll ever be.
Caroline [00:39:02]:
I have the most energy right now. My mind is as sharp as it'll ever like, this is prime. And also for Matt also, we're both at prime health and age right now, and we want to stop making stupid decisions and wasting time like BSing around because we want to create a beautiful life for ourselves.
Lisa Shield [00:39:28]:
Well, and you turn to your right and you look at this handsome young man. You're beautiful, you're young. I don't know. I've gotten more attractive because of the love that we have. We've been very lucky. That love just lights you up from the inside out, right? So you are so happy and being this happy. Think about it. You live longer, you're more prosperous because you're happier.
Lisa Shield [00:40:13]:
You have a partner. If one of you gets sick, the other one can pick up the slack. So couples are more financially prosperous. You get to travel, you get to do more things together. I mean, there's so many benefits. You have more sex, you have better sex when you're really in love with a great partner, you can raise your kids more consciously and have better parenting. Every single thing you could possibly think of. And literally all for one little price of a twelve week dating course.
Lisa Shield [00:40:57]:
It's crazy. If I could look back and think I would have done this in a heartbeat. I mean, I would have paid 1000 times more than when I think about the benefits. And you two have your whole lives together. Matt, what do you think about Caroline having done a program?
Matt [00:41:17]:
Like know, it's the first time that I've dated somebody that's done something like it's really it's really nice to see that she actually took the time and the money, like you said, because you got to pay for it. And she invested in herself to want something better in her life and to know exactly what she wants. And I very respect it that she said, hey, look, this is a problem in my life. Like I need to solve this. There's an issue here. Let me figure this out. I'll do a program, this ten step program, and really figure it out and of what I really want. So I actually really respect that she took the time and the effort to find something that she really wants and to really dig deep to know what she wants in somebody else.
Matt [00:42:12]:
Because like you said, we both have a limited time. And it's funny, I was actually just talking with a coworker about the 76 years old and we're like, man, we're almost 40. That's almost halfway there. What is she doing? And it kind of starts making you freak out when you think about it too much. I just really respect that she has taken the time to figure something like that out. And I mean, it worked out great because if she never did it, we never would have met. So I find it very nice and I love it.
Benjamin Shield [00:42:45]:
As I watched the two of you and I listened to the two of you. I fantasize about you hearing this and seeing this broadcast 40 years from now or even years from now, and how fun that would be five decades later to see the amount of love that exists now and how much even greater it will be over the decades. So it'll be a lot of fun. This will be a record for you maybe to play back on certain anniversaries, because it's really beautiful to watch and to listen to both of you.
Lisa Shield [00:43:24]:
What would be your parting words, caroline, what was if you were to think about the course, if you could list maybe three, takeaways three real treasures that you got from that course that have really changed your life and changed the partner that you're now with. What would those three things be.
Caroline [00:43:52]:
One of them would be just the lifelong friendships and connections I've made in your program, like the quality of the other women, the quality of you, Lisa, and have. I have a lifetime connection with all of you. I'd say that's one thing that you do, definitely that's huge. Just having such good quality people I respect and I admire and I look up to and I learn from in my corner. That's, like, huge for me. The other thing is the final five exercise, really, in your program. I did relationship inventory, and I really looked at a handful of significant relationships I had been in in my life and looked at what I needed that I didn't get in those relationships and saw that in the next relationship, I have these five things I absolutely cannot compromise. I cannot do without it because I've done without them all in the past, and that's why it never worked out.
Caroline [00:45:18]:
So really, like, getting clear about the final five, and then I'd say a third. Takeaway this idea of being emotionally naked, about how to be vulnerable, how to be true to myself, while also learning about men's perspective, like how to be a good woman for a man and a partner. And one of your shows is called getting Inside the Right Male Mind. So learning about how men think and how I can be emotionally naked and vulnerable with a man was a huge takeaway.
Lisa Shield [00:46:04]:
Yeah, honey, having you in the course, I pray with all my heart that more younger women will do the program. I love all of our clients. I have a special affinity for those of you who want to have kids. I think that there is no, like, now is the time to do this. You have all finding the right partner, a man like Matt. Matt, you're such a great guy. I mean, we can tell. Caroline told me some wonderful, wonderful things about you.
Lisa Shield [00:46:45]:
She said that you listened to some of our podcasts, that she'll send you links and you'll listen to things, and you're just a wonderful example of a man, which is one of the reasons we wanted to have you on today's broadcast. It's such a joy to see a couple like the two of you and to know you have everything it takes to really have a lifetime together. As long as you keep the communication open, as long as you're really in your hearts, as long as you keep being honest and emotionally naked with each other. And there's nothing more important than finding the right partner, the right wife, who's grounded, who's a good communicator, who's loving, who's open hearted. And for you, Caroline, to have a man who has all the qualities of being a good man and a good father, because that's the most important thing of all. If you're going to have children, you must have a responsible man and not a boy. Not a boy and you found one, so you have everything ahead of, you know, we wish you all the best.
Benjamin Shield [00:48:19]:
And I want to note that the work that you've done, Matt and you've done, Carolyn, that it will reverberate into generations. Your kids will see a successful relationship and what that's like, to have a loving parents and their kids and their kids and their kids. And so the work you've done isn't just for yourself. It's for all these generations that are going to follow. So thank you on behalf of the rest of us, thank you.
Caroline [00:48:53]:
Thank you.
Matt [00:48:54]:
Thank you guys.
Lisa Shield [00:48:55]:
It will be a gift that you gave to yourself, Caroline, that will pay off many times over. So I have a world of respect for you, for your foresight, and in doing this, there is a wise, wise, wise woman inside of you. And you should be very proud of yourself.
Caroline [00:49:30]:
Thank you.
Lisa Shield [00:49:31]:
I truly hope you are. I hope you are, because what you did for yourself was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. And I think the one last thing I would say to anybody who's listening is that this is something we can do at any age. Any age. You're among our youngest clients. We have clients that go all the way up. Our most mature client was 78 years old, and she looked at me and said, lisa, if I died tomorrow, I would die a happy woman, because I truly know what it feels like to love and be loved.
Lisa Shield [00:50:23]:
I have the guardian of my soul. And I think you, too, have found the guardians of your souls. Thank you for being here.
Benjamin Shield [00:50:32]:
Thank you.
Lisa Shield [00:50:32]:
Thank you for taking your Sunday and doing this. And we can't wait to get the wedding invitation, the baby announcements. We are so thrilled for both of you, and we just wish you a lifetime of happiness.
Caroline [00:50:54]:
Thank you so much.
Matt [00:50:56]:
Thank you guys so much. I appreciate you having us on here.
Caroline [00:50:58]:
Thank you.
Lisa Shield [00:50:59]:
Matt, we can't thank you enough for being here. Thank you to everybody who listened today. I'm Lisa Shields.
Benjamin Shield [00:51:06]:
And I'm Benjamin Shields.
Lisa Shield [00:51:07]:
And this has been, I'm sorry, getting inside the right male mind. I also do another episode of the same podcast called Finding the Guardian of Your Soul. I do that one on my own, so please look for both of those episodes. Come back and see us again. And also, you can sign up for oh, somebody I wish I knew who this was. Somebody said, I found my guardian after taking the course of 67. Oh, my gosh, I love that so much. Really? Benjamin and I, all we want is for everybody to find their true partners.
Lisa Shield [00:51:55]:
Really, we feel so lucky. We've had 21 years together, the two of us, so we want everybody to have as long as they possibly can, because once you find the guardian of your soul, this is the best life imaginable. Please go to Lisa Shield. Oh, my God. Getting married in December. Who is this? We can only see Facebook user. I want to know who this is. You can message me privately.
Lisa Shield [00:52:31]:
I won't even put your name up there. You can let me know. Oh, my goodness. I'm so happy. Congratulations. Well, please go to apply. Michelle, I'm sorry. I wasn't supposed to say.
Lisa Shield [00:52:51]:
Oh, my goodness. Well, nobody knows. I am so thrilled for you. Oh, my gosh. Wow. So another and happy customer. Yay. Please go to forward slash apply.
Lisa Shield [00:53:12]:
Sign up for a breakthrough call. That's where everything started for Caroline and Matt, consequently. And please come back and see us again. Also, send your ideas for future podcasts to podcast@lisashield.com. And maybe I'll twist Michelle's arm and get her on a future broadcast with her guy. Love to everybody, especially to you and Caroline. And thank you to everybody who joined us today. Enjoy the rest of your day, and hopefully we'll get to talk very soon.
Lisa Shield [00:53:51]:
She agreed to do it.
Caroline [00:53:55]:
Nice.
Lisa Shield [00:53:56]:
All right. Love to everybody. Bye.