Today on 'Finding the Guardian of Your Soul,' I bring you the remarkable love tale of Elena and Heath. Elena, an Oracle pro and a mother, revolutionized her approach to romance after completing the transformative 12-week Emotionally Naked Course. This experience catalyzed her life, eventually leading her to Heath, her kindred spirit and life partner. Heath, who brings his experiences from his military career, has embraced life with Elena and her children, adding a new dimension to their family. Their journey is a testament to the power of continuous growth and the role of guidance and support in a relationship. Tune in as they share insights from Elena's transformative course, their adventures in the dating world, and the thoughtful choices that brought them together, forming a relationship grounded in mutual understanding, shared beliefs, and a commitment to personal development. Continue On Your Journey: Lisa Shield | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Book a Call With Lisa Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com
What You'll Hear In This Episode:
- Brief background on Elena being a past client and Heath's personal growth journey
- Heath's desire to positively impact someone's life
- The notion of their relationship being easy and fulfilling
- Mutual acknowledgment and appreciation of each other's effort
- The age factor and defying common perceptions
- Elena's perspective on how counseling helped her and their relationship
- Heath's insight on not settling and clarity in relationship intentions
- Elena's transformative experience with Lisa's course
- Elena's realization of her blind spots in understanding healthy relationships
- Elena's proactive approach to dating: over 90 dates, improved profile, professional photos
- The value of Q&A calls with other women during the course
- The influence of Lisa and Benjamin's relationship model
Key quotes:
"You attract certain characteristics maybe because of childhood. For example, daughters of alcoholics attract alcoholics, and they're attractive to them because that's what they know. So you have to really work on yourself to change that pattern and to work on yourself and be attracted to other types of men or situations." — Elena
"The course was the best thing I bought for me out of anything. It doesn't compare to any clothing, jewelry, furniture, car, anything, because that's an investment in me." — Elena
“It seems like she goes out of her way to recognize the effort I put into the relationship. And again, that's just something that I wasn't accustomed to. And I try to do the same thing again…we both got lucky in that we both try to compliment, thank, and appreciate the other person. I think that goes a tremendous distance in making a relationship healthy." — Heath
“I'm empowering my female clients with tools and insight into male behavior so that we can shift ourselves because that's where our power lies. We're not going to change men. The way we're going to change our relationship with men is by changing the way we relate to them." — Lisa Shield
"I learned a great amount of information, and I enjoyed dating so much more after the class because before it was frustrating, it's scary, it's anxious, and it was a very different experience." — Elena
“What you always were saying, Lisa: wonderful men are out there. It's just something we need to see in our mind and change our mind." — Elena
"I think many women come into relationships, and they figure, look, he's the giver, I'm the receiver, and it's all about me and me getting my needs met. And that often men don't often get their needs met, and women may think that they are. But we really teach the women in our course how to be great partners." — Lisa Shield
"I'm more attracted to the person that Elena is than what she looks like. She's beautiful, but I'm more attracted to parts of her that I have seen through our interactions." — Heath
"To be so in love, to meet somebody at this age, to find somebody who will accept your children…The hundred miles or so that you were apart. None of that mattered in the end." — Lisa Shield
Continue On Your Journey:
Lisa Shield | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Book a Call With Lisa
Email the podcast at: podcast@lisashield.com
Lisa Shield [00:00:02]:
Hi, everybody. I'm Lisa shield. And this is finding the guardian of your soul. Welcome to a very special broadcast with Elena and Heath. Elena was a client who did my course. How long ago?
elena [00:00:17]:
Now.
Lisa Shield [00:00:17]:
Elena. How long did you ago?
elena [00:00:20]:
I think a year and a half.
Lisa Shield [00:00:22]:
A year and a half? Boy, a lot can change. Change in a year and a half. We're going to get into that. You have an amazing story. I think you are going to inspire so many women today. And Heath, we want to thank you so much for being here. It is such a pleasure for everybody to have the partner of a couple here. It's so wonderful to be able to hear your side of the story as well.
Lisa Shield [00:00:54]:
I usually start with my client so she can set the stage and then you're going to sit there and look handsome for a little while, and then we will bring you into the conversation. So bear with me. Elena, hi. You are so beautiful and I think you just have gotten more beautiful now that you're in this relationship and happy and glowing. How did you discover me?
elena [00:01:26]:
Thank you so much, Lisa. Thank you for your compliment.
Lisa Shield [00:01:29]:
First, would you do something? Would you tell everybody just a little bit about you before we get started so they know who you are?
elena [00:01:37]:
Yes. I live in Virginia. I work for Company Oracle for over a decade. I work in software proactive support. I was a single mother with three wonderful children. I have several hobbies and he likes my hobbies. So I was single for, I would say, eight years. And your ad popped up on Facebook and I clicked on it and I listened to several of your lunches and lunch with Lisa, and I listened to your 45 minutes video and I found some YouTube videos as well.
elena [00:02:27]:
What you spoke really resonated with me, and so I wanted to learn more.
Lisa Shield [00:02:32]:
What resonated with you, Elena? Because last night we do oops, we've lost teeth again. What a lot of the women said last night on a group Q A call, which is part of the course, they kept commenting on how different our message is from the messages of most of the other love coaches. They hear what stood out to you that made you say, this is the coach. For me.
elena [00:03:07]:
I really liked how you spoke about men, and you underlined some things that women could improve on to open up and accept men and appreciate men and not do things that we do because of our family situations, our predispositions or myths or fears and to address. So basically figure out things with you because men are your mirror. And so I really liked how you speak about that. Women also need to change. We do some things that turn away the men. And I really appreciated how you spoke in a way that it was very different from what I heard before. And you also offered specific tools to navigate the dating world because it's been many years for me and I really liked what you were saying. It really resonated and I grateful to you and to Benjamin.
Lisa Shield [00:04:17]:
Thank you. And I love what you said because if I were coaching men, if that was my client, I would be helping men understand women better and I would be telling men how they could shift their behavior to have better connections with us. Because my audience is women. I'm empowering my female clients with tools and with insight into male behavior so that we can shift ourselves because that's really where our power lies. We're not going to change men. The way we're going to change our relationship with men is by changing the way we relate to them. So I love that. So you came on a breakthrough call and I'm curious, what were you thinking.
elena [00:05:08]:
When you came on that call?
Lisa Shield [00:05:10]:
And did you think you would sign up right then and there to work with us? Tell me a little bit about what that call was like for you.
elena [00:05:19]:
When I came on the call with you, I pretty much was sure that I would sign up. So it was very nice to talk to you. You asked very good questions and you described what your class is. I really liked it and it was also during COVID time, I think I have to correct myself. It was two and a half years ago, it was winter and so it was during COVID when I decided to be in dating. And so I was pretty much sure that I would like to do the program with you. So it was very nice to learn more about it and I signed up gladly.
Lisa Shield [00:05:54]:
And was there anything specific on that call? That was a real breakthrough moment where you said, wow, this is something I have to face. Like if I keep putting this off, more years are going to go by. Was there something that stood out to you?
elena [00:06:14]:
I really like how you said, well, you are already out there and it doesn't happen the way you want, so something doesn't work and how many Valentine Days? And then you also mentioned, which I really like, that you said do you have a plan? And I thought to myself, well, I thought, I have a plan, but it's not working, so I need a better plan. And you said that you will offer tools and many of hundreds of your customers, they already in relationship, married and very happy. So I thought there is a lot for me to learn.
Lisa Shield [00:06:52]:
And now you're one of them. You are one of our amazing success stories, which makes me so incredibly happy. Elena, let's talk about the course. Let's talk about that twelve week course that changed your life forever. You spoke to me on another occasion about how much you loved having a step by step process and what that meant for your logical brain. Talk a little bit about the course itself and what it did for you.
elena [00:07:31]:
I really like the layout of the course, how there are video materials of your presentations on different topics. I liked the reading material, the books that you asked to read, which were wonderful. They were very different from the readings I've done before. They attached. If Buddha dated, why men the way they are? And there were several more. I really liked the reading, and I liked the group meetings with other women who were amazing in the course itself. I like how you start with self love and, you know, frenemy and things in our brain that we should get rid of and just things like that. Very nice.
elena [00:08:19]:
Meditations and suggestions for naked dating, what naked dating is so you describe how to be vulnerable and other things. So I really liked everything in the course. I really like I have some printouts and I did exercises for Relationship Inventory, which is great exercise that was eye opening to me.
Lisa Shield [00:08:45]:
Can I pause you? What was the eye opening about, the Relationship Inventory?
elena [00:08:50]:
It was eye opening because you realize that you keep doing the same pattern. You attract certain characteristics that are maybe because from the childhood it resonated. For example, daughters of alcoholics attract alcoholics and they're attractive to them because that's what they know. So you have to really work on yourself to change that pattern and to work on yourself and be attracted to other type of man or situation. So you have to really work on yourself. And so I understood that I was repeating things. And I really like the exercise where you take those negative qualities, you flip them into positive qualities, and those are your five qualities. And it really helped me, because then it makes it what is it you need and what is it you're looking for? And it made me more confident because I didn't want to make a mistake.
elena [00:09:51]:
Right? I was hurt before and I didn't want that to repeat. And so that made me more confident that I'm going the right way. This is what I need, this is what I want and how to get it. And so it made me so much more enjoying the process that I knew that I'm doing it in the right way. And I need to enjoy it. I need to go out there and look for things that are good for me and don't give up, go to the end along the way. So that's what you gave me. That's what the course gave me, and I very much appreciate it.
Lisa Shield [00:10:26]:
Elena, let me ask you, coming into the course, I think many women would say, well, I've done everything. I've dated, I've read books, I watch YouTube videos, I've been to therapy. Were you shocked at how little you really knew about this part of your life? And even if you thought you were trying and you were doing what you could. Was it a surprise to you to see that there were a lot of blind spots in your knowledge about how to pick a healthy partner and create a guardian of your soul relationship?
elena [00:11:07]:
Yes, it was. I think in our society, especially at the time when I was growing up, psychology was not a thing that we studied, and it was actually looked down upon that something not adequate, so there's something wrong with you if you have a counselor or psychologist. And that knowledge I acquired a little before your course and during and after. So I kept learning. And yes, I knew I had blind spots about things that are important for men and women and differences and similarities and how to also about vulnerabilities. So I learned a lot. It was very beneficial to me.
Lisa Shield [00:11:50]:
And even if you had gone met someone, I would guess that the result, the relationship that you're capable of having and the quality of the partner you attracted is so far and away superior to what you would have attracted had you not done the course. Is that true?
elena [00:12:15]:
I agree. Yes, I agree. Because I guess information doesn't equal transformation. That's what I really like your place. So during the course, you really work on yourself, you listen to other women and you change. So it's not overnight kind of thing. So it really helped me to evaluate myself in a different way, change little things here and there that added up in the bigger picture and be more confident and definitely attracting very nice men and also being a different woman, better of myself that I like.
Lisa Shield [00:12:54]:
Can you talk just a little bit more before we go to Heath about the Q A calls? You said that they were really transformative for you, that you loved hearing the other women. And some women who come on a breakthrough call, they will say, Well, I want one on one coaching, and I think those calls are mind blowing. Can you talk about what was so transformational for you from the Q A calls?
elena [00:13:28]:
I really liked every single call. I think I missed a couple due to some family activities, but I watched recordings and I was amazed that number one is the wonderful women who are out there. The beautiful, smart, very self sufficient women of very interesting backgrounds, amazing backgrounds of different ages between you're, very young to 70, which is also very young. So it was amazing. Women from all geographies, even abroad, and just the community of the women, the quality of women in your classes, amazing. And also validation of my questions are the same questions that everyone else has. I was so taking it kind of edge off and fears and things that, oh, maybe there's something wrong with me. No, everyone is having the same questions, the same experiences, and we discussing that was very nice.
elena [00:14:27]:
So I really appreciated the chance to share a win and ask your question and listen to 30 other women doing the same thing and learning. And as I went through meetings and text with different people, I found the situation where I learned during the calls about similar situations. So it was very educational. I would think one on one, for me it wouldn't be as beneficial. I really liked being among other women and hearing from their experiences and also they were in the different weeks of the course. So it was nice because they knew something that I did not know yet. So it was very great learning. So I very much enjoyed the women in your class.
Lisa Shield [00:15:08]:
That's wonderful. And we do give some one on one coaching to go over certain crucial pieces of the program and to check in and make sure that you're on track and all. But mostly, like you said, it's knowing that you're not alone. I think when you're dating by yourself, it can be embarrassing that you're not being successful. It's hard to open up to other friends if they're married. They don't understand what you're going through. And so to be, like you said, in this community of beautiful, successful women who are your peers, and to think, oh, my gosh, it's not just me. Lots of people are struggling with the same things.
Lisa Shield [00:15:56]:
Suddenly it takes a lot of the shame away from that. So let's talk about you dated online. Benjamin wrote your profile. You got beautiful new pictures, right? You did. And yeah, you said you were on the dating sites prior to working with us, and then you went back on with your new pictures, your new profile, your new skill set and talk about the difference. What changed?
elena [00:16:33]:
I think what changed for me was so the profile, that was slightly different because I was concentrating on achievements. I'm taipei master's degree.
Lisa Shield [00:16:50]:
Your resume.
elena [00:16:52]:
Yes. And you and Benjamin mentioned like, yeah, you know, the men, they don't care if you have master's degree or not. Maybe some, but they're looking for a woman. They're not looking for a so that was and I think being able to be more vulnerable and texting with different people and understanding if they're serious or not, that was very good for me. And pictures, of course, was nice because I do like professional pictures. So it's much better than somewhere like selfie in your kitchen or whatever or in a park. Professional pictures make a big difference.
Lisa Shield [00:17:33]:
Beautiful. And you captured the attention. How many dates did you go on? First of all, did you go out with a lot of guys?
elena [00:17:41]:
Yes, I did. I overall met more than 90 people.
Lisa Shield [00:17:46]:
Whoa. So kind of like me.
elena [00:17:48]:
Kind of like you, yes. So talking to you also good because you shared your experience and I'm thinking, well, maybe it will be 200. I don't know. I'm going to just keep going and meeting people because I work from home I have children, I work from home, so my life is fairly secluded besides church and shopping and some friends, girlfriends, I don't really have much places to go. So for me, going on, it was really something very extraordinary and something I've never done before.
Lisa Shield [00:18:16]:
Wow. And so what number was Heath? The last. Yes. And the best, as they say, they saved the best for last. Elena, do you feel that all of those dates were helpful? That going out and meeting these men and really doing your due diligence was important?
elena [00:18:46]:
Was important. And I really liked in your class I forget which week, there is a meditation about imagining that every person you meet gives you a piece of a puzzle. I really like that. And it puts everything in a very positive perspective because it's very easy to be sad if once again you'd meet somebody, you spent time and you were so hopeful, but it's once again, not that person. So I do know friends who went back offline because they were disappointed fairly soon. And I think that exercise really helped me to stay positive because every person you meet, it's kind of God sent, right? So I believe in God. God knows what's best for me. And so it's a learning I learn about another person, I learn about me.
elena [00:19:32]:
I have more experience talking and opening up to somebody and open up another person to me and have better connection. And so it was very interesting. I've met very interesting men who are wonderful fathers and successful people at work, and they're very interesting men. But wasn't chemistry right? I was very hopeful. And so when we met his, it was very different.
Lisa Shield [00:20:00]:
And I do want to say that not every client goes on 90 dates, right? Some people meet their partner much sooner, and some of us, it takes a little longer. We don't advocate for somebody going on 101st dates. It's just however it shakes out for each client. It's funny that your story is so similar to mine, but I don't regret any of my dates. I'm really grateful to all of the men I met because I felt like I would never, ever have another chance in my life to sit across from so many lovely men and get to know them, get to see what makes them tick and really experience men in that way. So it was wonderful. Heath, you are the top of the heap, so to speak. What was you what site? I know every woman is always like, well, what site did you meet on? As if it matters.
Lisa Shield [00:21:05]:
Elena, how many sites were you on?
elena [00:21:09]:
I was on several. I was on Eharmony and Elite Singles. I was on Zeusk match and Bumble and Cupid. Okay.
Lisa Shield [00:21:25]:
Cupid. Yeah. And he could have come from any one of those sites, right? It didn't really matter, but what site for all the curious women out there, what site did you meet on?
heath [00:21:37]:
Elite Singles.
Lisa Shield [00:21:38]:
Elite Singles. Okay, great. Awesome. Were you on other sites as well, Heath?
heath [00:21:44]:
Yeah, I was. It's funny, she mentioned some of the sites that I was on as well, but our profiles didn't cross paths, I guess, on those other sites.
Lisa Shield [00:21:52]:
Yeah. So tell everybody a little bit about you.
heath [00:21:57]:
A little bit about me? I spent 20 years in the military, retired in 2019, and along the way, during that career, relationship ended, and I'd spent several years single and wanted to be back in a relationship. My background is aviation, so I traveled a fair amount during our dating. The time we dated, I traveled a fair amount, and that was actually came up during the dating. And I think mostly Elena and I's faiths match up, and so that formed a foundation of what I was looking for, somebody who I could share a life with, a spiritual life with. And I feel very fortunate to have found that.
Lisa Shield [00:22:57]:
That's wonderful. That is wonderful. So you really match up on a lot of different levels, it sounds like. Do you have children as well?
heath [00:23:07]:
No, I don't.
Lisa Shield [00:23:08]:
No children. Okay. So I love this because what's really great is having men on our podcast that talk that you don't have kids. And a lot of women think, well, nobody's going to want me because I've got three kids. Elena, did that occur to you? I've got three children. It's going to be very hard to find a man who wants to be with a single mother with three kids.
elena [00:23:42]:
Yes, definitely. That was one of the things that was important to me, that my future spouse, my soulmate likes that I have children and have at least okay. Relationship with children.
Lisa Shield [00:23:58]:
And how old are your kids?
elena [00:24:00]:
They are 23, 21. My middle one is 21 today and 14. Yeah.
Lisa Shield [00:24:05]:
So you still have a young one at home, and there are the youngest.
elena [00:24:08]:
We still have youngest son at home, and so, yes, he's here. And my older daughter is also here. And Heath is wonderful to all my children. He's a wonderful, wonderful stepdad.
Lisa Shield [00:24:21]:
Wow. Okay. And how do you like being a dad, Heath? Was it something that you ever thought you would experience?
heath [00:24:31]:
It was something that I wanted to experience. I thought I was going to take a little bit different path, but I'm very happy and very satisfied with how it ended up happening. It was a little intimidating to step into the lives of people who were approaching adulthood and also in adulthood. Right. So it's been a fair amount of work to integrate into three lives instead of well, four lives, really, instead of just one person's life. But I think because it's work doesn't mean it's not enjoyable. So it's been very rewarding. Personally, it's really special to be a part of Elena's children's lives.
Lisa Shield [00:25:21]:
Wow. So let's roll things back a little bit. You found Elena on Elite Singles, and can you share a little bit about know, when you saw her profile, what stood out to you, and how this all.
heath [00:25:43]:
She I saw her like, I probably spent way too much time in the evening scrolling through pro shop profiles and looking at profiles that were attractive. And then the steps, right? Like, you send a like or whatever and kind of see if you get feedback. I don't remember if I sent a like or not. Maybe I did. I don't know. At any rate, she reached out to me, so she asked, if I remember exactly right. She said, what does a girl have to do to get a date with a guy like you? And I said, well, that pretty much did it.
Lisa Shield [00:26:28]:
It worked.
heath [00:26:29]:
Right. We went on a lunch date. There was an immediate, actually, before we even met, as she was crossing the road and I was walking towards the lunch location, I saw her and thought, that must be her. And wow, she's really attractive. It was a steady degree of attraction from right before the first time we met on, so not a lot of time in communication on the website. I looked at her profile, and it matched what I was interested in. And I had been on several dates in that time frame and figured, well, I'll see, and you don't know if you don't try, so to speak. Right.
heath [00:27:22]:
So I figured we'll have lunch and see if we connect. And we definitely connected. Well, I thought we definitely connected. I thought that she tried to convince me not to date her after the first lunch.
Lisa Shield [00:27:35]:
You did?
heath [00:27:36]:
Well, she kept bringing, because I have all my profile, that I wanted children and a couple of other things. We weren't geographically in the same location. We're separated by about 100 miles or so. And so there were several things that came up that I walked away going, I wonder if she's really interested or not. But I invited her to lunch again, and she said yes. Following a date, I continued to request another date, and she continued to say yes while I figured she maybe was attracted.
Lisa Shield [00:28:19]:
So there's a number of factors here that are not that are big question marks for so many of the women. The distance, the fact that you didn't have children, and you stated on your profile that you wanted children, the fact that Elena has three children, and these are all things that most women would nope. Nope. And it didn't matter in the end. It sounds like you found a woman who you thought, this woman is really special. And I don't care what I thought I wanted coming into this. This is different. Is that true?
heath [00:29:09]:
Yeah. I think the biggest thing there was the children. Right. I wanted a family, and I envisioned having the two of us having children. And I had thought briefly about women that already had children. But initially it felt like it was a little daunting, to be perfectly honest, it was a little intimidating. And the time that we spent together was special enough that after the first date, I kind of thought about it a little bit, and I talked to my counselor about it and came to the realization that the desire was to be a part of people's lives and be able to contribute to the next generation, if you will. And so that takes a lot of different ways.
heath [00:30:03]:
And there are lots of many people in the world that have I think the children would say that they have parents that aren't their biological parents. And to have an opportunity to do that, I went through the decision making process and figured, what do I really want? And what I really wanted was to be a part of somebody's life, a positive part of somebody's life. And that is what relationship with Atlanta represented. And it wasn't just her children. It's like that was a separate decision. Right. We connected on a way that not constantly, but I continually discover parts of our lives that are similar, and I just have never connected with anyone in the way that I connect with Elena.
Lisa Shield [00:30:54]:
I don't know if you can speak to this or not, but clearly Elena is different than any other woman you've been with. And one of the things we really work on in my program is helping women understand men. I think many women come into relationships and they figure, look, he's the giver, I'm the receiver, and it's all about me and me getting my needs met. And that a lot of times men don't often get their needs met, that women may think that they are. But we really teach the women in our course how to be great partners. Do you feel that Elena is different in that way from other?
heath [00:31:44]:
Elena and I've told this to several of my friends, and in conversation, she makes me feel like a king, literally.
Lisa Shield [00:31:55]:
Good. That's what we mean.
heath [00:32:00]:
It's in a lot of different yeah. I have never, literally never been in a relationship where my partner made me feel as special as Elena makes me feel.
Lisa Shield [00:32:16]:
First of all, you're such a great guy. I can tell you deserve that. But it makes me so happy. And what's the impact of that on you? You feel like a king. But then in return, how does the reciprocity of that?
heath [00:32:34]:
Yeah, I try to treat her in the same way, and not because she treats me that way. Right. The way that I treat her is not dependent on how she treats me, but it makes it a whole lot easier. It's reciprocated. Right. So it makes it much easier. Right. Like, she'll say, thank you for doing this, or thank you for doing that.
heath [00:33:01]:
And it makes it so much easier to do those things, especially if I don't feel well or if I'm really busy or stressed at work or something. And it's an extra effort to do those things. It would be more difficult if those things didn't get noticed. But it seems like she goes out of her way to recognize the effort that I put into the relationship. And again, that's just something that I wasn't accustomed to. And I try to do the same thing again, not because she does it, but it just is one of those things that we both it feels like we both got lucky in that we both try to compliment and thank and be appreciative of the other person. I think that goes a tremendous distance in making a relationship healthy.
Lisa Shield [00:33:53]:
Yeah, well, in living just in gratitude and not expecting anything, but really just appreciating one another. Even if I love what you said, it's not that you do the things you do because of what she does, but it sure makes it a heck of a lot easier to do them. And it creates just a positive feedback loop in a relationship that is so nurturing and safe and easy, which is what we want. Are you both surprised at how easy this relationship is?
elena [00:34:34]:
Yeah, definitely. It's the best relationship I've ever had. And it's a dream relationship. I always thought, oh, yeah, that love is just in movies or books somehow in the culture I'm from, love is supposed to be painful. You have to suffer something. You know, if you're married, then, oh, that's what it is. You know, you have to there's some element of being like a victim, almost, you know? But this is amazing. It's so invigorating, it's fulfilling and so happy and fun.
elena [00:35:11]:
Very fun. It's amazing. It's amazing when you have all the right pieces, I guess, in your mind how to approach things and plus lack of finding a wonderful person, which there are many wonderful people out there. And so this relationship is just amazing. It's heavenly. I'm so excited. We both were like, why didn't we meet each other so many years ago? But we were different people. We met each other at the right time, where we were ready, and we enjoying full ride out of the speaking.
Lisa Shield [00:35:48]:
Of meeting at the right time, are you both willing to share open to sharing your ages?
elena [00:35:56]:
I am 51 years old when we've met. I just turned 48.
heath [00:36:04]:
Yeah, I'll be 50 in January.
Lisa Shield [00:36:07]:
So you got yourself a younger man. Women love that. They love that. Sorry. They love this and just that you both defy a lot of the things that people think are impossible. To be so in love, to meet somebody at this age, to find somebody who will accept your children, who there's so many the distance right. The hundred miles or so that you were apart, and none of that mattered in the end. Heath, you mentioned something that I think is also very important.
Lisa Shield [00:36:49]:
You had said that you were seeing a counselor, and a lot of the women who go through. My program because they become very conscious, self aware women. They tend to attract partners who have also done some personal growth work or therapy. Can you talk a little bit about that?
heath [00:37:12]:
Sure. There is a point a couple of years in my life that were very challenging physically and emotionally, and I ended up realizing that I really needed to talk to somebody because I wasn't keeping everything together. And so I went and started talking to a counselor, and that's not the same counselor that I see now. And so actually, the counselor I see now is the third counselor. And in that time period, a relationship ended, and that was not a very comfortable thing. And I shifted again. Trying to find a counselor that my previous partner was happy with, ended up with a counselor that I'm with now. And I've just continued, I guess I realized I went to an army chaplain for the initial thing that I wanted to talk about, and that just, again, evolved into a counselor that I would not necessarily call a life coach, I guess, but just someone that I can talk to and bounce things off of.
heath [00:38:25]:
And that is an independent voice of reason, if you will. Right. Somebody that knows me but doesn't know me in a personal capacity and can direct me into direct me to concentrate on something else, or our conversations always end with, I didn't think about that, or, yeah, I'm glad that I'm on that path, because it makes sense. At any rate, I really appreciate having access to somebody that can provide professional, I guess, emotional information. Right. So we go to physicians for physical ailments. We go to trainers for, if you want to be better at a sport or whatever, in better physical condition. Again, we don't really think about I think a lot of times men specifically don't think about talking to a life coach or a counselor, somebody that can help you with those emotional things that you might not know how to deal with on your own.
heath [00:39:33]:
And that was really what I got to a point where I didn't know how to deal with what I was experiencing on my own. And all three counselors that I visited or that I used rather, were very helpful in helping me walk through some things that friends and family or whatever, just the coworkers weren't fitting the bill. It's not like I was opening I'm not a closed person, but nobody wants to share what's going on in their personal life with someone unless they know that they are going to listen.
Lisa Shield [00:40:13]:
And know how to listen. I think even friends will give you advice based on what they might know, but they're not really able to listen in the way a counselor or a coach could. Elena, how does that affect you in the relationship? What do you think know, having been through counseling or being in counseling, how does that impact you and the relationship.
elena [00:40:39]:
I think it's contributing greatly to our connection. I really appreciate that. Heath did the work on himself and read books. And in fact, in our first date, he mentioned about the book Safe People because I asked him a question what are you doing differently right this time around? And he said that he read the book Safe People, and it's important to be with a safe person. And I've read that book, and it's a wonderful book. And so he stood out from many people that he's open to change and to improvement and to doing something differently, learning new things. And that's what I really, really like. We listen to a couple more books, and he told me about the book Boundaries, for example, which is the one book when we drive, we listen audiobooks, and it contributes to relationship, and it makes people be able to look at yourself and change yourself and accept somebody and make it work.
elena [00:41:44]:
So we both like this, and it's wonderful.
Lisa Shield [00:41:49]:
That's amazing. And so what does the future look like for both of you? Do you have plans for the maybe.
elena [00:41:59]:
Fun life? Every day is fun.
Lisa Shield [00:42:02]:
Yeah.
heath [00:42:03]:
I think getting Elena's youngest son through high school and then we'll see what happens from know family life requires a significant amount of commitment. And once I think once he's off to college, then we'll kind of reassess and figure out what we want to do.
elena [00:42:28]:
But meanwhile, we like to travel. Last year we went to during winter break, which we both have winter break at work, so we have to take time off and children are off school, so that's convenient. And we went to Holy Land. Turkey and Rome. Last break. And this year we also have a plan. And in the summer we spent with his family on the beach, in the beach house. So we like to travel towns nearby.
elena [00:42:59]:
We flown to a couple of places for friends, weddings and things. Heath is a pilot. He gave me a ride on the airplane in Kansas City. So it's very interesting. We have very interesting we make it interesting too. We like going places and social.
Lisa Shield [00:43:14]:
And Heath, what would you say to women? What would you tell women who are out there looking for a guy like you? What advice can you give?
heath [00:43:27]:
Oh, that's a tough. You know, Elena has said several times, there's no one else out there like you. And I usually disagree because I don't feel remarkable at all. She makes me feel remarkable, but I feel like I'm kind of a normal Joe. And I think I would say, figure out what you want, identify those things that are important in a person and don't settle.
Lisa Shield [00:44:02]:
And how should we be like, what is it? Because Elena certainly stood out to you. She stood out. And what kinds of qualities is a man like you looking for in a woman?
heath [00:44:18]:
So I think honesty and directness right obviously being attractive is helpful, but literally, it's not much more I'm more attracted to the person that Elena is than what she looks like on the mean. She's beautiful, but I'm more attracted to parts of her that I have seen through our interactions, the way that some of the things that stand out. We took a road trip, I don't know, maybe a couple of months into our relationship. I participated in pieces of a road trip that she took with another family and in the way that she interacted with that family. And we had an instance we were all on the beach, and there were some children that got lost on the beach, and Elena paid attention to those children and sat down with them and made them feel unafraid and comfortable. And that was kind of an insight into the person that she. So I think back to my know, be honest about who you are. Be honest about what you're looking for in a relationship.
heath [00:45:37]:
And the thing that irritated me the most about dating in general was the games. If I'm looking for a relationship and I'm not the person that you want in the relationship, it's fine to say that, especially within a situation where you're a little bit further along in, right? Like, I really didn't have time for figuring know, someone doesn't know what they're looking for or is playing games with you, that's a real turn off. And Elena never did any of those things. And she was very direct, and I appreciate that in relationship, in communication, she was very direct about what she was looking for in a partner and about her, it seemed to me, about her approach to most of life. And that was, quite honestly, a little different than what I experienced in other dating relationships. And very refreshing.
Lisa Shield [00:46:36]:
That's wonderful. And Elena, for women who are hesitating to do the course, who would say, oh, it's way too much money or it's too much work or it's too much time, I can't possibly do this, what would you say to them?
elena [00:46:58]:
The course for me was the best thing I bought for me out of anything. It doesn't compare to any clothing, jewelry, furniture, car, anything, because that's investment in me, it's being me more rich and better a woman in person, and it's education, and I really value that. So that was a gift to me, regardless of the money. And even women in the course also say, even if I don't meet anybody, that was the best thing I've done for me, because that makes you a different person. And I think the time is a commitment if you are really serious about what you're looking for. For me, I was serious. I really wanted to have a great partner. I was done being by myself, and it was very strong movement for me.
elena [00:47:52]:
And I wanted to go and be successful in what I'm looking for. I wanted different approaches and I found you and I'm very grateful. So it was very interestingly spent it's the time again spent for me. I learned a great amount of information and I enjoyed the dating so much more after the class because before it's frustrating, it's scary, it's anxious and it was very different experience. So after the course I kept enjoying life more. I gladly went and met people without any fear or reservation I knew I wanted it helped me to get clear to what I really want and that was great and I like the dating mantra. I'm going to go with open mind to meet people until I meet the person my guardian of my soul. It was very helpful because that keeps you hope with hope and plus I'm Christian, I really believe in great thing that God will give me the great thing for me and just never give up.
elena [00:49:03]:
So I see women around me who give up and say oh, I went out, there is nobody good out there which is not true again it's on our mind. So I see those things that don't work in life unfortunately and so it works. There are many men out there that are great men which what you always was saying Lisa there are wonderful men out there. It's just something we need to see it in our mind and change our mind. So God has great thing out there for you if you don't give up you need to keep going and be open and you attract what you radiate if you are afraid, if you are reserved you need to be more open and loving and positive to attract better partner which is your mirror. So I wish to all the women positivity to be positive and kind to yourself and have energy and have belief and hope that life is great. There are great men out know you learn something and new thing comes along which is wonderful.
Lisa Shield [00:50:13]:
It's amazing. Elena, I want to thank you for inviting me to your know if I could have come I would have been there in a second. I was there in spirit. I think the two of you are everything everything I could ever hope for from this course. The very fact that you believe that you are just a normal guy is what makes you special. You've done your work, you love Elena with all your heart, you're a good husband and an amazing partner and the love between the two of you is not just changing both of your lives, it's changing Elena's children's lives and there's a legacy factor here where it's generational. When this is healed between the two of you, you pass that on to the children because you're setting an example that most children don't get to see. So this is powerful on so many levels.
Lisa Shield [00:51:28]:
I could talk to you both all day. I know you have to get back to your life and I have to get back to mine. Please come to Santa Fe if you like to travel. If you've never been, this is one of the most beautiful places on the planet. We have a guest house that you're welcome to. It actually has two bedrooms, you could even bring the kids. So it's a beautiful spot. And we were just voted by Condines Traveler, the second best city to live in in the country.
Lisa Shield [00:52:03]:
So it's really amazing. And if you've never been to the American Southwest, I don't know if you have, but it is really something else. It's different than anywhere else in the country. So you are more than welcome. You have a standing invitation and I genuinely mean it.
elena [00:52:27]:
We will consider.
Lisa Shield [00:52:28]:
Please.
elena [00:52:30]:
I've never been to Santa Fe.
Lisa Shield [00:52:33]:
It really is out of space and time and know it really is on many people's bucket lists as one of the top places they want to see. So I really mean it. And our guest house is separate, so you can come and go. You won't be in the way. It's not like you would ever impose on us, which is one of the things that makes it so great. So we would love to host you here anytime. I cannot thank you both enough. Heath, it's been an absolute pleasure to get to know you and spend this time with you.
Lisa Shield [00:53:12]:
You're wonderful.
heath [00:53:14]:
Thank you. Likewise to you, Lisa.
Lisa Shield [00:53:17]:
Yeah. And my husband will love you me so much.
elena [00:53:20]:
You and Benjamin gave me so much. And it's one more thing to mention to all the women out there is to watch you and Benjamin interact. You were like apostles of love to I literally thought it and I still remember and it was wonderful model to see how husband and wife in full love and harmony, communicate with each other. It was absolutely beautiful. So that was a lesson just to see both of you on the same screen talking and it was amazing. So I'm grateful for that. Thank you for being who you are. You changed my life for Elena.
Lisa Shield [00:53:54]:
Thank you, honey. Thank you for everything and for your time and all. And we just adore you and so much love to both of you. I wish you all the happiness and health and the most beautiful future together and lots of continued fun because it only gets.
elena [00:54:20]:
You.
Lisa Shield [00:54:23]:
It's my pleasure. This has been finding the guardian of your soul. I'm Lisa shield. I so appreciate you listening and please come back and see me again. Also go to my website, Lisashield.com. You can click the button and watch my free presentation. And at the end of that presentation, you can sign up for a call just like Elena did. And we will show you how we can help you find the guardian of your soul.
Lisa Shield [00:54:57]:
We do these broadcasts weekly. So please come back and see me again. And thank you again to my very, very special guests, Selena and Heath.